Top 10

Top 10 Videos that Scared Me as a Kid

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Let’s face it, as a kid the silliest things can scare us. Anything from trees to weird looking food could scare our pants off. Like most kids of the 90s, I watched a lot of television. There was a point where I ventured away from Nickelodeon to MTV. Most of the videos had no effect on me. Some of them I even liked (“Smells Like Teen Spirit”), but then there were the “scary” ones. Videos I had no business watching, yet kept my eyes glues to the screen until it scared me. Looking back at these ten clips now, none of them are scary in the least, not even disturbing. Then again, I was only a dumb kid then. So let’s take a look at the top ten videos that scared my pants off as a kid.

10. “Nothing Compares 2 U” – Sinead O’Connor

There’s a subtle beauty to this video that makes it timeless. The concept is simple: O’Connor lets her haunting vocals carry the video mixed with gothic imagery of her walking through a cemetery. Pretty tame. But the one part that I still remember freaking me out comes at the very end. It’s a brief flash of what looks like a skeleton. Looking at it now, I think it’s an intricate headstone, but the face still looks like a skull. Being so young and not able to grasp the thought of death, this scene horrified me. Keep in mind, at the same time I thought the Crypt Keeper was pretty cool. Yeah, I was a weird kid. Now, I wouldn’t call the image scary at all. It just has a morbid beauty to it I can fully appreciate.

9. “Role Model” – Eminem

Similar to the “My Name Is” video, this one is a barrage of various images and situations featuring the rapper meant to shock viewers. Nothing about this video is scary or even disturbing in the least aside from how much of the song is missing when watching the clean version. So why did I cringe when I watched it as a kid? The damn ending where Eminem, after attempting a Houdini-like escape attempt, fails. The video ends with his lifeless body swinging in the water as the crowd looks on in disgust. This mixed with the sepia silent movie effects (some of those still creep me out) was enough to make me skip this video. I can’t really explain it. I just remember hating this part of the video whenever I saw it and I did my best to change the channel before it ended.

8. “Nookie” – Limp Bizkit

I didn’t really know what to think of Limp Bizkit when they invaded my daily TRL watching in the late 90s. I remember thinking how dumb this song was and wondering what the fuck cookies had to do with the nookie anyway. But the one thing I will always take away from this Limp Bizkit song is the video. The majority of the clip is pretty tame and predictable. It’s Wes Borland that freaked me out. When he cocked his head to the side and stared into the camera with those soulless eyes, I shivered. I’ve never seen someone with pure black eyes and no pupils. Of course, now I know it was just contact lenses. Still, it shook me enough to where I closed my eyes whenever the video came on. Why didn’t I just change? Well, I didn’t want to miss my daily dose of Nsync and BSB.

7. “Waterfalls” – TLC

I was a huge fan of TLC when I was younger and seeing as this was one of the best videos of the 90s, it was always on MTV. Sure, some of the graphics are outdated now, but it’s still an iconic clip. Yet, I hated watching it. Why? Because of how fucking depressing it is. First, we see a young boy killed in blood and his mother a ghostly figure crying over him. Then, we see a man fade from existence through an unknown case of AIDS. By the end of the video the boy tries to reunite with his mother and the woman who infected her lover, is gone as well. I get it, the video is supposed to leave impact with its message. But I was five at the time. And yeah, I probably shouldn’t have watched it. But those two scenes scared me even if I didn’t fully understand what they meant. Sometimes TLC were a little too good at getting their messages across as this isn’t the last time they spooked me out.

6. “The Way I Am” – Eminem

I probably shouldn’t have been listening to or watching Eminem at 12 years old, but I did and yes, my mom thought it was fine. Very little about this video is scary; it’s kind of disturbing, but there’s nothing outright horrifying about it. I remember actually enjoying it and being confused by Marilyn Manson in the background. Was it really him or not? After all, Em did previously portray the rocker in “My Name Is.” The thing that freaked me out was the end when the rapper is about to make contact with the concrete. It was at that second that I realized what he was doing. I flinched and closed my eyes not wanting to see the awful splatter. And the ground turns to rubber. Eminem is okay. I let out a sigh of relief. The fact that two Eminem videos scared when I was young was probably a punishment for listening to his music in the first place.

5. “Gimme Some More” – Busta Rhymes

The weird thing about this video is at the time I only saw about five seconds of it. It was some sort of countdown on MTV or maybe it was the VMAs, doing a recap of videos. It flashed to a clip of this song where it focused on the blue, yellowed eyed creature that terrifies the woman in the video. It’s actually not a surprise this one scared me as a kid; the monster is still freaky looking today. Still, it’s something I’ll always remember as shaking me to my core. From then on I associated Busta Rhymes with scary videos. Now….not so much.

4. “Thriller” – Michael Jackson

This video has scared all of us at some point in our lives. Though it’s a timeless clip and still outstanding by today’s standards, it’s not exactly scary. I wasn’t even that afraid of it when I first saw it at 5 years old. Despite this, there were still bits that creeped me out. One thing that always unnerved me was the heavy breathing during the title card. I always found it weird and knew it signaled bad things to come. The part where Jackson transforms into the werecat looks a bit dated, especially the parts featuring a static dummy head. But the part that always made me jump was him screaming “Go away!” with the sharp teeth sticking out of his mouth. Though I always expect it now, when I was little I somehow forgot it was coming and it always scared me. The zombies for the most part I thought were cool, except for two specific ones. First, the one that comes strolling out of mausoleum door, whites of his eyes showing. Then the one with blood spilling of its mouth. Both of these zombies freaked me out. And the way the latter one smiles after the blood spills, just makes it all the more creepy. It still freaks me out a bit now.

3. “Unpretty” – TLC

Similar to “Waterfalls,” TLC aims to promote a positive message of loving yourself and not letting anyone else make you feel ugly. Sounds good, so what about the video is terrifying? The part where a woman gets her silicone implants removed. When I first saw the doctor remove the silicone and the pained expression of the girl, it gave me chills. Every other time I saw the video I shut my eyes right as Chili steps into the hospital. TLC spares no one and shows the painful removal up close trying to teach young girls a lesson. And at least for me, it fucking worked. Even watching it now after not seeing the video in years it made me cringe. I forgot how graphic the scene was and it’s disturbing as hell. I never thought a TLC video would leave me scarred for life.

2. “Tourniquet” – Marilyn Manson

As much as I love Marilyn Manson now, I thought he was the creepiest dude when I was ten. I still remember finding my brother’s copy of Mechanical Animals and being utterly confused by the cover. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I accidentally saw this video while watching Celebrity Deathmatch. After Manson won against Charles Manson, they decided to show this clip. And man did it give me nightmares. Though it’s now one of my favorite videos, I still don’t know what the hell is going on. Manson’s movements along with black eyed semi-human/semi-mannequin creatures scared the piss out of me. But it still intrigued me; I’d never seen anything like it before. When I saw the video again, I watched while covering my eyes and peeking out every now and then. Years later, I turned into a dedicated fan. Gotta admit I didn’t see that one coming.

1. “Oh Father” – Madonna

I’ve talked about how accidentally terrifying this video is in the past, so I’ll be brief about it here. I saw this video at a very young age and when it reached the part where the little girl, who is supposed to be Madonna, reaches her mother in the casket terrified me. Not because she was dead, but because of the fucking close up of her lips sewn shut. It’s not grotesque and it doesn’t even stay on the screen that long. But it was enough to disturb me and haunt me ever since. Because of that scene, I rarely revisit the video. It still gives me the chills today. The rest of the video is beautiful and timeless. Yet, that one scene has stayed with me for years. For that reason along it gets the top spot.

Did any of these videos scare you as a kid? What videos gave you chills? Let me know in the comments!

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Top 10 Rock Stars You Forgot Were in Horror Movies

It’s Halloween! Time to overdose on candy and watch horror movies. Rock stars even get in the fun and sometimes make…interesting appearances in horror movies. Sometimes it’s not that bad, but most of the time it’s clear they should stick to music. To get you in the mood for things that go bump in the night, here are ten rock stars you forgot in horror movies. They’re ranked from best performances to worst.

10. Tom Waits in Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Somehow Tom Waits playing the role of the insane Renfield in Dracula is oddly appropriate. Watching scenes of him eating flies and gravelly cackling about his vampiric master is hypnotizing and frightening. He perfectly shows how far gone Renfield is at this point in the film. What is probably the creepiest thing is how he still seems charming even though he’s spiraling into madness and is out for blood. With his demeanor and trademark gravelly voice, seems like Waits should be in more sophisticated horror movies.

9. Chester Bennington in Saw 3D

Unless you’re an avid fan of the Saw franchise, you might’ve missed Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington in the seventh installment of the series. In the film, he plays a Neo-Nazi named Evan who has to gruesomely tear himself from a car seat in order to save his friends. As you expect, things don’t end very well for the gang. Bennington puts his hard rock chops to work by screaming for his life. The scene is hard to watch and turns your stomach. Bennington landed the role by happenstance. Producer Mark Burg lived next to one of the Linkin Park bandmembers and heard Bennington was a huge fan. It’s an odd cameo, but at least he was decent at it.

8. David Bowie and Peter Murphy in The Hunger

If there’s anyone who could play a suave, sexy vampire, it’s David Bowie. The rocker landed the starring role in this 1983 “erotic thriller” about a love triangle between a doctor and a vampire couple. It’s not a horror movie per se, but rather a slick looking film with supernatural elements. Though the movie received mixed reviews, Bowie is as cool and stylish as ever. It may not be an awarding winning performance, but it’s better than most on this list. Bauhaus’ Peter Murphy also makes a brief appearance during the film’s credits singing the Goth anthem “Bela Lugosi’s Dead.”

7. Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne in Trick or Treat

Two legendary rockers pop up in this forgotten 80s horror movie. In this film, Eddie is devastated over the loss of his favorite rocker Sammi Curr. He gets more than he asks when Curr starts haunting him. Simmons plays Nuke, Eddie’s friend who’s a DJ at the local radio station. The performance is forgettable and easy to miss as Simmons if you aren’t paying attention, or if you aren’t a KISS fan. But Ozzy’s turn as an evangelist talking about the evils of heavy metal must be scene. Dressed in a suit and with his hair slicked back, Osbourne warns kids about the evil of heavy metal with a straight face. Seeing as Ozzy’s music was touted as being Satanic and responsible for deaths in the 80s, it’s hilarious to hear him talk about the evilness of rock music.

6. Sting in The Bride

Did you know there was a remake/re-imagining of The Bride of Frankenstein? Yeah, it’s a terrible idea. To make things even more confusing, the film starred Sting as Baron Charles Frankenstein. The movie follows the same basic plot of the original: Frankenstein makes a mate for his infamous monster and everything goes to shit. Set in a lush Victorian setting, the film is visually pleasing, but that seems to be the most interesting about it. The movie was critically panned, as expected. Gene Siskel even called it a Monstorous Failure. But that didn’t stop Sting from starring in more movies, like Plenty and Dune. Guess the guy can’t take a hint.

5. Dee Snider in Strangeland

When Snider isn’t fronting Twisted Sister he’s apparently writing horror films. He wrote and starred in 1998’s Strangeland, which focuses on a small town being terrified by a tattooed and pierced baddie Captain Howdy. Howdy uses internet chat rooms to stalk and torture his victims. This is a movie that can only be made in the 90s when everyone was young and naive about the internet. The trailer looks cheesy as hell, but Snider at least seems decent. Still, the movie got negative reviews upon release. Guess people liked the movie the first time they saw it as Hellraiser.

4. Marilyn Manson in Rise: Blood Hunter

Marilyn Manson is no stranger to acting. He’s made appearances in films The Heart is Deceitful Above all Things and Party Monster. But in 2007 he made a low key appearance in sub par horror film Rise: Blood Hunter starring Lucy Liu. Judging from the three-minute clip, the movie is pretty lame. Manson is monotone and boring as the everyday bartender who helps Eve (Liu) to find someone. There’s nothing notable about his acting. The most interesting thing about the clip is Manson sans makeup, which is not as shocking as it used to be. There’s probably a reason you’ve never heard of this film. Maybe we need to keep it that way.

3. Jon Bon Jovi in Vampires: Los Muertos

Jon Bon Jovi has some weird obsession with being a cowboy. It started with “Dead or Alive” and lead to several roles in Western films. So when John Carpenter penned a script a horror Western, Jovi took the call to star as Derek Bliss, vampire hunter. This is actually a sequel to Carpenter’s 1998 film Vampires, which was pretty successful. This one, however, is a straight to video sequel. There’s really nothing else to say after that. You don’t need to see the entire movie to know it’s bad. Just watch the trailer and see how stiff and lifeless Jovi is in the starring role. Even the scene when he kind of turns into a vampire is dull. Maybe the rocker should stick with radio friendly hits that you love, yet hate at the same time.

2. Alice Cooper in Monster Dog

When browsing through Netflix one night, I came across this odd movie. A horror flick starring the equally frightening Alice Cooper? What could go wrong? Apparently, a lot. The movie is slow, dull, and just awful. Not even funny awful. Just bad. Cooper’s performance is unremarkable and the plot of wild dogs attacking random citizens sounds cool but is hardly terrifying. Even the scene where Cooper turns into a werewolf, which you have to sit through the entire movie for, is boring. To make things worse, the movie is dubbed in English and none of the English actors voiced their own lines. So throughout the entire viewing, you wonder if something’s off or if you’re just going crazy.

1.Roger Daltrey in Vampirella

In this terrible adaption of the long-running Vampirella comic series, The Who frontman Roger Daltrey stars in this direct to video film. That should say it all right there. Daltrey stars as Vlad/Jamie Blood, who is Vampirella’s enemy and a rock star on weekends. And yes, that does mean there is a musical scene in the film. Seeing an aging Daltrey straining and trying to be enticing with a rat’s tail on the side of his head is cringe worthy. He doesn’t sound bad performing, but when it comes to enticing vampires, Daltrey isn’t the first guy you think of. Judging from the trailer, it’s one of those movies you watch with friends to laugh at how awful it is. What was Daltrey thinking?

Honorable mention:

Sonny Bono in Troll

I didn’t include this one because Sonny Bono isn’t a rock star. But seeing him transform into some weird plant/pod monster was too good to not talk about. Bono gets trick by a troll in the titular movie Troll, yes the precursor to the hilariously awful Troll 2. If you can manage to sit throughout the entire thing, you’ll even catch a young Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

Happy Halloween!

12 Creepy Moments from Non-horror Videos

Ever since the music video was born, there have been artists making clips that set out to get under your skin. These videos are often creepy, disturbing, and sometimes down right scary. But then there’s that group of videos that start out tame, making you think you’re in the safe zone. Out nowhere there’s one image or scene where things take an ugly turn whether it’d be scary or chilling. These videos aren’t horrific, but there’s one instance where things get batshit crazy. Here are 12 seemingly safe videos with creepy moments. Not all of the scenes are scary, but they’re weird, unsettling, or just unexpected.

12. “Heart & Soul” – Huey Lewis and the News

This Huey Lewis video starts out like any other from the 80s; in a club with ridiculous fashion choices. Lewis strides in talking about a woman who has caught his attention, along with the attention of everyone else in the club. Everyone’s dancing, Lewis is singing, and then without warning there’s a shot of a vampire waiter. No explanation. He makes an appearance and is gone again. He makes another brief return near the end when he’s sucking blood out of one of his victims. Okay, so the vampire isn’t scary, more like baffling. What was the point of having him there? It just doesn’t make any sense. It feels so random in this seemingly generic video.

11. “Rockit” – Herbie Hancock

There’s a lot going on that’s unsettling in this video, but I never considered any of it as intentional. It more seemed like one of those 80s videos taking advantage of new technology. Watching it again, there are a lot of scarring images from this video: disembodied legs walking around, faceless robots making jerky movements, and a weird bird snapping at the window. But the thing that’s worse than all of these are the mechanical bots with weird, fleshy like skin over their faces. They don’t do much in the video aside from slowly rotating their heads. It’s like they’re trying to disguise themselves as human and it’s disturbing. When that’s the most horrific thing in a weird video featuring creepy robots, you know something is wrong.

10. “Sweet Dream (Are Made of This)” – Eurythmics

This video already has some weird stuff going on, but the concept seems simple: Annie Lennox looks like a dictator as she points to a screen where a missile heads toward the earth. It seems as normal as a Eurythmics video could be until midway through. Lennox and Stewart appear in weird costumes and masks “playing” a cello outside and being generally creepy. Out of nowhere comes a close up of a cow, a cow that roams around for the rest of the video. The clip ends with them in a cow pasture for some reason. It may not be scary, but there’s something creepy and unexpected of seeing a cow close up wandering aimlessly. There’s something unsettling and weird about it, especially in a video that’s already strange.

9. “InBetween Days” – The Cure

Oh look, it’s The Cure being kind of goofing and actually looking happy. They all look like they’re having a good time with the upbeat music and – what the fuck is that?! With some clever glow in the dark make-up The Cure turns this lighthearted video into a nightmare. As Robert Smith is singing the second verse, his image is slowly replaced with another image of him in eerie green and blue make up. What we’re left with is a monstrous looking version of the singer. It’s so simple, but it’s made all the more terrifying with his head movements and his glowing red eyes. Then the video returns to normal as if nothing happened, making you question if it really happened. The Cure pulled a similar move in their video for “Boys Don’t Cry.” You gotta love a band that wants to creep out their fans.

8. “Oh Father” – Madonna

This beautiful black and white video is semi-autobiographical for the singer. It follows a little girl dealing with the death of her mother, while surviving her father’s rage. It’s somber as Madonna walks through a snowy cemetery and the little girl is constantly yelled at by her father. But the image that has stayed in my mind since I first saw the video at the tender age of 6 is the little girl’s mother in the coffin. When she steps up to give her a kiss, she see’s her mother’s lips sewn together. The image isn’t gruesome in any way, but it’s unsettling especially for someone who didn’t understand death or funerals. Madonna provided another unsettling image in her “Bedtime Story” video where she has mouths for eyes. Thanks for the nightmares, Madonna.

7. “Land of Confusion” – Genesis

Do I really need to explain what makes this one terrifying? The fucking puppets. It’s supposed to be a parody of current events of the 80’s along with the hot celebrities, but they all look like the result of an experiment gone horribly wrong. The keyboard player looks like a dehydrated Mick Jagger and Phil Collins looks like a giant potato. Everything about the video is horrible from how the puppets move to a scene where Puppet Regan drowns in his bed. The result is even worse when they put puppet heads on human bodies. And the scene with Regan slowly emerging from the water is nightmare material. I guess Genesis wanted to make their feelings clear about the president, but couldn’t they have done it in a less terrifying way?

6. “Puttin on the Ritz” – Taco

This one of those moments from the 80’s that makes you question people’s taste. The song was quite popular and the video is weird. The concept isn’t that bad; it’s Taco strolling through alleyways and downtown singing. But the video loses its mind near the end. There close ups of living mannequins singing and people in creepy old men masks. All the while Taco robotically sings and makes strained faces making him look like someone you shouldn’t trust. To make things worse the uncensored version has backup dancers tap dancing with Taco in blackface. It’s one of those moments that makes you question “did I just see that?” The video was horrible enough on its own. Why is this bit in there? It’s unsettling and baffling especially for a clip in the 80’s.

5. “Plug in Baby” – Muse

Videos from the 80’s aren’t the only ones that lure into a false sense of safety. Muse’s clip for “Plug in Baby” seems standard: the band performs the song mixed with footage of dead-eyed models. Classic rock star stuff. It’s until a brief shot of a pair of disembodied legs that you begin to question things. Eventually it’s revealed all the models aren’t human and have what look like tentacles or wires sticking out from their bodies. The pulsing effects on the tentacles are kind of cheesy, but it still gives you shivers when you see legs with only tentacles attached thrusting in the air. What the fuck, Muse.

4. “Self-Control” – Laura Branigan

Laura Branigan talks about the pleasures of the night in this weird clip. It starts out pretty sane with the singer walking through the streets and hitting up a night club. Along the way she spots a guy in a Phantom of the Opera mask, but that’s not what makes this video unsettling. He eventually takes her to a weird basement party where everyone is rubbing against each other wearing masquerade masks. Even that isn’t why the video is on the list. It’s when Branigan finds herself at home with these same people rubbing, caressing, and stroking her that it reaches uncomfortable levels. No matter how many times I see this video it always creeps me out. And yeah, it’s not particularly scary or anything like that, but something about their unnatural movements with those still, eerie masks makes this video horrid. Who thought this was a good idea?

3. “Wild Wild West” – Escape Club

This INXS wannabe video starts off with each of the members playing the song while faux Michael Hutchence gyrates in the corner. Seems like a standard bad 80’s video until the camera pans out shows disembodied legs and arms playing the tambourine. What makes it even worse is they’re connected making it look like one long body limb. It’s just fucking creepy looking. All they’re doing is clapping their hands and tapping their feet, but it looks obscene not attached to a body. It gets even worse when a pair of the legs tries to be scintillating by first rubbing on the singer and then rubbing on its own legs. Who let this monstrosity happen? It’s a video made to give you nightmares.

3. “Jeopardy” – Greg Kihn Band

A wedding day is the focus of this clip. We see Greg Kihn getting ready to get married and trying to get over his cold feet. Sounds pretty standard so far until Kihn looks around him and sees other couples literally joined together. One couple’s arms are fused together while another couple are like odd Siamese twins with a pulsing organ between them. Kihn tries to shake it off and is relieved to see his bride his normal. Until her face changes into a rotting skeleton and her jaw falls off. The rest of the video goes batshit crazy where the entire church turns into zombies and a disembodied tentacle tries to devour Kihn. It all turns out to be a dream and Kihn returns to reality. What is up with videos from the 80’s starting out sane and going nuts at the end? It’s like the director got high in the middle of filming and changed the script.

2. “Shock to the System” – Billy Idol

It’s hard to imagine anything scarier looking in this video aside from Billy Idol’s hairstyle but there is. After Idol gets beaten by the cops in a dystopian future, his body starts absorbing the electronic debris surrounding him. As if the image of wires being sucked into his hand wasn’t creepy enough, we then get a close up of Idol’s contorted face. He grimaces in pain as one eye steadily bulges out further and further from his face. Finally, it pops revealing itself to be a camera lens. Then Idol is transformed into a literal mechanical man full of gears and wires sticking out of him. The video itself may be confusing and laughable but the way Idol jerks and shakes with all those buts sticking out is disturbing. Who greenlit this idea?

1. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Bonnie Tyler

So, this may be cheating a little bit, but this video is too insane to not include. Every moment of this clip is batshit crazy. In the span of five minutes, you see ninjas, Cirque du Soleil dancers, football players, fencers, swimmers being splashed with water, rejects from Grease, and Bonnie Tyler fighting a wind machine. So much is happening in this video you think you’re prepared for anything. That is until Tyler runs into the possessed children’s choir with glowing eyes. The effects are pretty cheap by today’s standards, but that moment when a single boy flies towards the singer will make your heart jump. Why is this happening? This video makes absolutely no sense. It’s like they had a huge budget with no concept and said “Fuck it, it’ll look good in the end.” If I had to pick one video to represent the excess of the 80’s this would be it.

Honorable Mention:

“Talking In Your Sleep” – The Romantics

This video didn’t make the list because nothing really happens: the band walks around singing in what looks like a factory full of women sleeping upright. It’s weird, but nothing that creeps you out. But it gets an honorable mention because of singer Wally Palmer. Something about the way he attempts to dance to the music while having the same dead expression on his face is unsettling. It’s like he’s a robot pretending to be human and decided this is the way humans move and dance. It weirds me out every time, especially when he tries to make sensual (?) expressions.

Which one of these videos gives you nightmares? Is there a video I missed? Let me know in the comments!

13 Musician Cameos on Cartoon Shows

Musicians have a way of popping up in the most unexpected places. Whether it’s on your favorite TV show, a video game, or even your grocery store. They even invade the world of cartoons. While some artists had their own cartoons, others felt a brief appearance was good enough for them. And as you would expect most of them turned to The Simpsons for their cameos. But others have graced different cartoons both kid and adult oriented. These aren’t necessarily the best or worst cartoon cameos from musicians. Rather these are just 13 interesting or unexpected cartoons celebrities have guest starred in.

13. B2K on Static Shock

Does anyone remember this show? For the fourth episode of the last season, Virgil Hawkins AKA Static Shock, takes his love interest Daisy to the B2K concert. The boys don’t have too much time on stage since rival Eddie uses his powers to kidnap Daisy. The clip is pretty lame. Ten seconds of their song “Pretty Young Thing” plays and it seems none of the animators actually knew what the band looked like since the cartoons don’t resemble them in the slightest. It also has some of the laziest animation for a newer show. Them appearing in the show is pointless and is hardly memorable.

12. Jay-Z on Secret Millionaires Club

Again, has anyone heard of this show? Premiering on the Hub Network and available as a webseries, the Secret Millionaires Club follows Warren Buffet as a secret mentor to a group of kids interested in business. As with any cheesy kids cartoon they learn several life lessons along the way. On the episode “Be Cool to your School” the kids get to meet Jay-Z, who clearly did his lines in one take. His appearance is brief and his delivery is flat out lazy. Sentences run together and he can barely muster any enthusiasm even as he’s congratulating the kids for helping their school. His cameo is just about as lame as the show is.

11. James Hetfield on American Dad

metallica-james-hetfield-american-dad

This was one appearance that many didn’t know about until it happened. On the episode “The Life Aquatic with Steve Smith,” Hetfield makes an appearance as a water polo coach named James Hetfield. The joke of his appearance is even though he looks and sounds like the metal star, he claims he’s not THAT Hetfield from Metallica. He makes several references to the band and clips of their songs play throughout the episode. There’s not much to it, but him constantly denying being in Metallica is pretty funny and it’s cool that Hetfield has a sense of humor to do something like this.

10. Sonny and Cher on The New Scooby-Doo Movies

There were a number of special guests on The New Scooby-Doo Movies, like the Three Stooges and Mama Cass. I actually used to like the series as a kid, even though it’s horribly cheesy. For the episode “The Secret of Shark Island,” Sonny and Cher are on their honeymoon when they run into the Mystery gang at a run down beach resort. Blah blah blah, guys dressed in shark suits, blah blah blah meddling kids. You get the idea. Like most Scooby-Doo cameos, this one is pretty dull. Sonny and Cher don’t sound excited at all to be reading their lines. Cher doesn’t even sound like herself. It’s cheesy as hell, but then again what do you expect from Scooby-Doo? Also, why is Sonny dressed up like Santa Claus?

9. Eminem on Family Guy

Family Guy has poked fun at Eminem a few times, but the rapper actually made an appearance in 2009 to promote his then new album Relapse. Though he wasn’t in an episode, he appeared alongside Stewie Griffin during Fox’s Animation Domination block between commercial breaks. There’s one point where the rapper asks Stewie “Are you a gay baby?” to which he replies “We’re just trying to have fun here.” This isn’t the first time the rapper has been animated. Back in 2001, a webseries starring an animated Eminem popped up called The Slim Shady Show. It was actually produced by the rapper and after making waves online all episodes were released on DVD. It’s a weird show starring Slim Shady featuring the infamous Ken Kaniff. It’s like a weird South Park spoof. If you want to experience the weirdness for yourself check out episodes on Youtube.

8. Snoop Dogg on Sanjay and Craig

Remember the days of gangsta rap when Snoop Dogg was considered threatening? Now, Snoop’s more lighthearted and pokes fun at himself. He’s made several absurd cameo appearances on shows and commercials, but the oddest has to be him guest starring on an episode of Sanjay and Craig. Even though he plays a character named Street Dogg, he’s pretty much playing himself. Street Dogg moves to Sanjay’s block to escape from the celebrity lifestyle. And yes, Snoop does rap in the episode. The rest of the episode is focused on Samjay and Craig trying to reunite Street Dogg with his group Remington Tufflips. It’s kind of weird, but seems pretty normal for the rapper these days. I mean he’s narrating clips of wildlife footage now. He can pretty much do anything.

7. Andrew WK on Uncle Grandpa

Uncle Grandpa is one of those weird shows that tries to capitalize on the success of Regular Show and Adventure Time. It’s pretty strange, but did you ever expect Mr. Party himself Andrew WK to make an appearance? After Pizza Steve declares he’s bored out of his mind, an electrical surge turns on the TV with an ad from WK himself talking about his party line. It’s a pretty cute cameo since it looks just like him equipped with long hair and white t-shirt. Though you have to wonder how many kids actually know who Andrew WK is.

6. Milli Vanilli on The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3

Apparently Milli Vanilli were so popular they felt it was necessary to appear on the excellent show The Adventures of Super Mario Bros 3. The episode “Kootie Pie Rocks” revolves around the Koopa King kidnapping the band and forcing them to play for Kootie Pie. The entire thing is bonkers. Milli Vanilli sound stilted and unsure of every line they’re saying. They somehow manage to sound like a dub of themselves. And Milli Vanilli? Seriously? Their two biggest singles are featured throughout the cartoon. But what’s funny is when Kootie Pie demands they play for her, the two claim they can’t without a band. Art imitating life, right? The whole thing is just bizarre and something that can only happen in the 90s. It’s almost as bad as giving New Kids on the Block their own cartoon series. Oh wait…

5. “Weird Al” on Batman: The Brave and the Bold

Okay, pay attention because things are going to get confusing. “Weird Al” Yankovic made an appearance on the 25th episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold titled “Bat-Mite Presents: Batman’s Strangest Cases!” The second segment is based on the original Scooby-Doo and Batman crossovers seen on The New Scooby-Doo movies. Still following? Bat-Mite sets up the story and then we see Scooby and the gang attending a “Weird Al” gig. Things are cut short by the Joker and Penguin. Batman and Robin step in to save the crew. Wackiness ensues and things get campy as you would expect. Once the two are defeated “Weird Al” comes back and decides to celebrate with “a polka.” It’s one of those things you watch and wonder “what the hell just happened?” It’s a cute way to poke fun at the campy Scooby-Doo cartoons loaded with guests stars, but it’s still really strange.

4. Backstreet Boys on Arthur

During its now 20 year run, Arthur has had an impressive number of celebrity cameos for a kid’s show. But one of the biggest episodes occurred when the Backstreet Boys made an appearance. The story revolves around Muffy preparing to see the boys in concert while Francine starts her own band since BSB are “sell outs.” The band then gets popular and Francine doesn’t know how to handle the new found fame. The boys pop up several times in the episode most notably in a fantasy sequence when Muffy creepily dreams about being with Nick Carter. She even traps him in an elevator before their big concert. Sure, the premise is weird, but it’s cute to see BSB transformed into rabbits and bears. Plus, they even re-did the theme song for the show. If you want another cool boyband cartoon appearance, check out Nsync on The Simpsons.

3. Marilyn Manson on Clone High

Does anyone remember Clone High? Before this clip I’ve never heard of the show, but it was an animated show about a gang of high school students who are actually clones of famous historians, like Joan of Arc and JFK. It premiered on MTV in 2003, but was eventually removed due to poor ratings. In the second episode titled “Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo” Marilyn Manson makes an appearance as a rock star and “licensed doctor.” He takes a moment to sing a song about the importance of the food pyramid. It sounds like something you’d expect to hear on kids programs like Arthur until Manson shouts “Die!” and turns into a hellspawn. It’s a hilarious clip that captures Manson in a different, cuddly persona.

2. Robert Smith on South Park

Matt Stone and Trey Parker aren’t shy about poking fun at celebrities, usually ones they don’t like. But for this season one episode they actually scored a cameo appearance from Robert Smith, who they’re huge fans of. Smith comes in to help defeat Mecha-Streisand from destroying South Park. How does he do this? He turns into Mothra, complete with wild hair and white gym shoes, unleashes an ear shattering screech, and punches her in the nose. With Streisand successfully defeated Stan says “Robert Smith is the greatest person that ever lived” and Jesus calls him a “savior.” It’s bizarre that Smith actually agreed to the cameo. He said he was sent the script and recorded his lines knowing nothing about the plot. It’s one of the most absurd and awesome moments from South Park.

1. The Ramones and Michael Jackson on The Simpsons

The Simpsons have had so many guests stars there are entire lists dedicated to them. Over the years, numerous bands have visited Springfield, such as REM, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Metallica, The White Stripes, and Judas Priest to name a few. It’s really hard to choose which one is best of them all, but the two that are the most memorable are The Ramones and Michael Jackson. Both artists seem unlikely to make cameo appearances on a popular show, yet it happened. The Ramones played at Mr. Burns birthday party on the episode “Rosebud.” They end their song with “Go to Hell you old bastard” leaving Mr. burns visibly shaken. Backstage, Tommy Ramone remarks, “Hey I think they liked us” while Mr. Burns says “Have the Rolling Stones killed.”

The episode “Stark Raving Dad” features Michael Jackson as a mental patient who believes he’s Michael Jackson. It’s confusing, especially since Jackson was not credited at the end and hired a impersonator to take over any singing duties. It’s a weird clip, but it’s one of the most memorable Simpson’s episodes of all time.

Which cameo is your favorite? There’s gotta be some I missed, so let me know which ones in the comments!

15 Memorable Beavis and Butt-Head Video Moments

Beavis and Butt-Head were one of the things that made MTV great in the 90s. The duo’s moronic antics at scoring chicks, being cool, and messing with Daria made the show dumb in the best possible way. But what I always felt was the highlight of any Beavis and Butt-Head episode were the videos. They watched some of the most popular and obscure videos from the 80s and 90s and each was accompanied by their weird, hilarious, stupid commentary. They’ve watched so many videos it’s hard to keep track of them all, but here are my 15 memorable Beavis and Butt-Head videos.

15. “Heart Shaped Box” – Nirvana

The boys actually like Nirvana, so they don’t have too many bad things to say about this video. They cheer on their favorite parts while Beavis claims the video is giving him nightmares that look exactly like the video. The most memorable comment of the clip is their criticism of Kurt Cobain moving his hair from his eyes only to have fall back in his eyes. The video ends with Beavis promising to set up his room with stars and lights like the one from the video and Butt-Head retorting “You’re never gonna set up your room and you’re never gonna score.” It’s probably the smartest thing to come out of his mouth. Their commentary on “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is good too.

14. “I Wanna Rock” – DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince

The best moments on the show often come from the two misunderstanding what’s happening. And that’s all this clip is, a simple misunderstanding. This song asks only one question and Beavis thinks Will Smith just isn’t getting it. “He wants to rock right now. C’mon can’t you hear him?!” screams Beavis before freaking out at the song for slowing down. By the end of the song Butt-Head thinks Smith “still doesn’t get it,” but Beavis thinks he can use it to mess with teachers leaving him to think “not paying attention is cool.” Say what, now?

13. “The Caterpillar” – The Cure

When I found out Beavis and Butt-Head watched one of The Cure‘s videos, I couldn’t wait to see what they had to say about frontman Robert Smith. Luckily, they didn’t let me down. Unfortunately, the clip is no longer uploaded online, but the duo mainly wondered why Smith never looks at the camera. Honestly, I never noticed that until they pointed it out and every time I watch the video now I only focus on Smith not staring at the camera. They also mention how his lipstick is on crooked and how he should fix it. It’s a clip that’ll give Cure fans a good chuckle.

12. “Detachable Penis” – King Missile

This is one of the few clips where the duo don’t say anything. Instead they giggle incessantly at the word “penis.” They break from their bubbling laughter only to say “he said penis!” The longer you watch the two losing control, the funnier it is. Soon enough you’re mindlessly giggling with them. On another note, the song itself is really fucking weird. Seriously.

11. “The Family Ghost” – King Diamond

Even though the guys ripped on Grim Reaper plenty of times it’s surprising to learn they hate King Diamond more. Butt-Head even says “this might be the worst crap I’ve ever seen in my life.” They then go on to say Diamond looks like the Count from Sesame Street and how sad the whole situation is. Throughout the whole thing they remain shocked at just how bad it is. Considering how many metal fans love King Diamond it’s really funny to hear them point out just how ridiculous the band is.

10. “Blind” – Korn

“This looks like it might rock…maybe” is how this clip begins, but it’s not until Beavis makes himself dizzy that the genius of it comes in. Getting the high he was looking for he then sounds like a music critic citing everything wrong with the band, how they lack originality, and how they take ideas other bands making them bland. Not only is it funny, but it’s a spoof on all the hatred and criticism that got thrown at Nu-metal. Afterward Butt-Head slaps some sense into Beavis and tells him “you got all dizzy and started talking like a dumbass.” Nice dig there, Mike Judge.

9. “I’ll Stick Around” – Foo Fighters

There are so many hilarious moments from this clip from Butt-Head implying Beavis “swings that way now” to wondering if the band is dressed in white because they drive ice cream trucks. But the best part is when Butt-Head says “Hey it’s the dude from Nirvarna.” Beavis replies “Um I don’t think that dude’s with us anymore. You shouldn’t say that.” It’s a funny and clever way to sneak in a reference to Kurt Coabin’s death that wasn’t nasty or mean. I’m sure at the time it also made viewers take pause and reflect on the newly departed rockstar.

8. “I Alone” – Live

Did you ever wonder if the dude from Live was actually a pull string doll that screams and wets itself? That’s what the duo come up with while watching this video. Watching the clip now it looks pretty ridiculous, but Beavis and Butt-Head knew this while the clip was popular. Why is he making all those faces? Who’s that guy walking around on the set? What is up with that little braid? It’s these observations that show these guys may be dumb, but they at least say what everyone else is thinking.

7. “March of the Pigs” – Nine Inch Nails

Beavis and Butt-Head manage to rip apart this NIN video and make it seem silly instead of intense. Though they like the clip, they bring up several issues by demanding Trent Reznor put down his arms and start the song already. Comments on Reznor stumbling around like he’s drunk, touching other people’s stuff, needing to rehearse more, and wondering where they got those shiny pants makes you see the video differently. It doesn’t seem so intense and heavy in Beavis and Butt-Head’s hands. But the one thing I want to know is why is Reznor touching himself during the second verse? Maybe I don’t want to know after all.

6. “If I Only Had a Brain” – MC 900ft Jesus

This clip is pretty simple but works so well. Butt-Head drivels on about something while Beavis sings the bass line of the track throughout the entire clip. He stops for a second when Butt-Head slaps him across the face, but starts right back up again. No matter how many times he says “shut up, Beavis” he keeps going. Eventually Butt-Head can’t resist and starts doing it with Beavis. It may not be much, but it’s the mindless singing that makes this clip so funny.

5. “Long Hard Road Out of Hell” – Marilyn Manson

This isn’t the duo’s first time watching one of Manson’s videos, but they have the best commentary for this single. Aired during the Thanksgiving special, it starts out with Butt-Head complaining how people go all religious for Thanksgiving followed by Beavis stating “It is a Jewish holiday.” They then go on to confuse Manson for Cher saying she’s gone downhill thanks to “mentopause,” which makes her boobs get smaller and her butt swell up. They later figure out who it really is and wonder how he manages to hide his junk in one scene. It all ends with Butt-Head calling Beavis a lesbian since he apparently wants to have sex with “a dude.” Unfortunately, I can’t find the video online, so enjoy clips from their Thanksgiving special instead.

4. “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” – The Clash

For the majority of this clip Beavis and Butt-Head talk about Seinfeld. Why? Because they believe frontman Mick Jones is Jerry Seinfeld. This prompts them to discuss their favorite characters (the fat guy), that time when you can see Elaine’s boobs, and their favorite episode about “choking their chicken.” It’s hilarious because with his skinny frame, big eyes, and haircut, he kind of looks like the comedian. They finish the clip complaining about the volume of the video not being loud enough, yet they’re too lazy to turn up the TV.

3. “Sweating Bullets” – Megadeth

After watching this commentary from Beavis and Butt-Head, you’ll never hear Dave Mustaine the same way again. After trying to figure which guy was Mustaine, spoiler: it’s all of them, and discussing whether or not he was raised by wolves and why that would be awesome, Butt-Head makes an eye opening observation. “Hey Beavis, this guy talks like you.” Listen to Mustaine sing and Beavis chatter and you’ll see how right Butt-Head is. Hearing this revelation will ruin kick ass songs like “Peace Sells” for quite a long time.

2. “Step Down” – Sick of It All

Whenever I think of memorable Beavis and Butt-Head clips this is the first one that comes to mind. It starts out with Butt-Head actually being right about something: how shitty their lives are. He lists how they have no friends, are not in good health, they’re not happy, and they live in a crappy apartment. But it doesn’t matter since Butt-Head says “we’re cool” right after that. But the thing that makes this clip so great is when the two show off their own dance moves in a similar fashion to the music video. Their moves include “The Dillhole,” “The Bunghole,” and “The Fartknocker Double Inverted Nad Twist.” It’s a hilarious way to pay homage or mock, however you see it, the video they’re watching.

1. “Fear No Evil” – Grim Reaper

These two really hate Grim Reaper. They never have anything nice to say about their videos and they rip this one to shreds. They poke fun at the ridiculous costumes, the corny effects, and the singer, who they think is pretty ugly. When a guy in half a wolf costume pops up Butt-Head wonders if that’s how they draw Wolverine in England. Beavis keeps saying “That’s not Wolverine” until Butt-Head shouts “Shut up, Beavis!” Oddly enough, creator Mike Judge ran into the guitarist of Grim Reaper, who actually loved how mean the boys were and sent them the band’s other clips. Just shows how even musicians have to laugh at themselves once in a while.

What’s your favorite Beavis and Butt-Head video? Any moments that I missed? Let me know in the comments.