Music Videos

Top 10 Videos that Scared Me as a Kid

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Let’s face it, as a kid the silliest things can scare us. Anything from trees to weird looking food could scare our pants off. Like most kids of the 90s, I watched a lot of television. There was a point where I ventured away from Nickelodeon to MTV. Most of the videos had no effect on me. Some of them I even liked (“Smells Like Teen Spirit”), but then there were the “scary” ones. Videos I had no business watching, yet kept my eyes glues to the screen until it scared me. Looking back at these ten clips now, none of them are scary in the least, not even disturbing. Then again, I was only a dumb kid then. So let’s take a look at the top ten videos that scared my pants off as a kid.

10. “Nothing Compares 2 U” – Sinead O’Connor

There’s a subtle beauty to this video that makes it timeless. The concept is simple: O’Connor lets her haunting vocals carry the video mixed with gothic imagery of her walking through a cemetery. Pretty tame. But the one part that I still remember freaking me out comes at the very end. It’s a brief flash of what looks like a skeleton. Looking at it now, I think it’s an intricate headstone, but the face still looks like a skull. Being so young and not able to grasp the thought of death, this scene horrified me. Keep in mind, at the same time I thought the Crypt Keeper was pretty cool. Yeah, I was a weird kid. Now, I wouldn’t call the image scary at all. It just has a morbid beauty to it I can fully appreciate.

9. “Role Model” – Eminem

Similar to the “My Name Is” video, this one is a barrage of various images and situations featuring the rapper meant to shock viewers. Nothing about this video is scary or even disturbing in the least aside from how much of the song is missing when watching the clean version. So why did I cringe when I watched it as a kid? The damn ending where Eminem, after attempting a Houdini-like escape attempt, fails. The video ends with his lifeless body swinging in the water as the crowd looks on in disgust. This mixed with the sepia silent movie effects (some of those still creep me out) was enough to make me skip this video. I can’t really explain it. I just remember hating this part of the video whenever I saw it and I did my best to change the channel before it ended.

8. “Nookie” – Limp Bizkit

I didn’t really know what to think of Limp Bizkit when they invaded my daily TRL watching in the late 90s. I remember thinking how dumb this song was and wondering what the fuck cookies had to do with the nookie anyway. But the one thing I will always take away from this Limp Bizkit song is the video. The majority of the clip is pretty tame and predictable. It’s Wes Borland that freaked me out. When he cocked his head to the side and stared into the camera with those soulless eyes, I shivered. I’ve never seen someone with pure black eyes and no pupils. Of course, now I know it was just contact lenses. Still, it shook me enough to where I closed my eyes whenever the video came on. Why didn’t I just change? Well, I didn’t want to miss my daily dose of Nsync and BSB.

7. “Waterfalls” – TLC

I was a huge fan of TLC when I was younger and seeing as this was one of the best videos of the 90s, it was always on MTV. Sure, some of the graphics are outdated now, but it’s still an iconic clip. Yet, I hated watching it. Why? Because of how fucking depressing it is. First, we see a young boy killed in blood and his mother a ghostly figure crying over him. Then, we see a man fade from existence through an unknown case of AIDS. By the end of the video the boy tries to reunite with his mother and the woman who infected her lover, is gone as well. I get it, the video is supposed to leave impact with its message. But I was five at the time. And yeah, I probably shouldn’t have watched it. But those two scenes scared me even if I didn’t fully understand what they meant. Sometimes TLC were a little too good at getting their messages across as this isn’t the last time they spooked me out.

6. “The Way I Am” – Eminem

I probably shouldn’t have been listening to or watching Eminem at 12 years old, but I did and yes, my mom thought it was fine. Very little about this video is scary; it’s kind of disturbing, but there’s nothing outright horrifying about it. I remember actually enjoying it and being confused by Marilyn Manson in the background. Was it really him or not? After all, Em did previously portray the rocker in “My Name Is.” The thing that freaked me out was the end when the rapper is about to make contact with the concrete. It was at that second that I realized what he was doing. I flinched and closed my eyes not wanting to see the awful splatter. And the ground turns to rubber. Eminem is okay. I let out a sigh of relief. The fact that two Eminem videos scared when I was young was probably a punishment for listening to his music in the first place.

5. “Gimme Some More” – Busta Rhymes

The weird thing about this video is at the time I only saw about five seconds of it. It was some sort of countdown on MTV or maybe it was the VMAs, doing a recap of videos. It flashed to a clip of this song where it focused on the blue, yellowed eyed creature that terrifies the woman in the video. It’s actually not a surprise this one scared me as a kid; the monster is still freaky looking today. Still, it’s something I’ll always remember as shaking me to my core. From then on I associated Busta Rhymes with scary videos. Now….not so much.

4. “Thriller” – Michael Jackson

This video has scared all of us at some point in our lives. Though it’s a timeless clip and still outstanding by today’s standards, it’s not exactly scary. I wasn’t even that afraid of it when I first saw it at 5 years old. Despite this, there were still bits that creeped me out. One thing that always unnerved me was the heavy breathing during the title card. I always found it weird and knew it signaled bad things to come. The part where Jackson transforms into the werecat looks a bit dated, especially the parts featuring a static dummy head. But the part that always made me jump was him screaming “Go away!” with the sharp teeth sticking out of his mouth. Though I always expect it now, when I was little I somehow forgot it was coming and it always scared me. The zombies for the most part I thought were cool, except for two specific ones. First, the one that comes strolling out of mausoleum door, whites of his eyes showing. Then the one with blood spilling of its mouth. Both of these zombies freaked me out. And the way the latter one smiles after the blood spills, just makes it all the more creepy. It still freaks me out a bit now.

3. “Unpretty” – TLC

Similar to “Waterfalls,” TLC aims to promote a positive message of loving yourself and not letting anyone else make you feel ugly. Sounds good, so what about the video is terrifying? The part where a woman gets her silicone implants removed. When I first saw the doctor remove the silicone and the pained expression of the girl, it gave me chills. Every other time I saw the video I shut my eyes right as Chili steps into the hospital. TLC spares no one and shows the painful removal up close trying to teach young girls a lesson. And at least for me, it fucking worked. Even watching it now after not seeing the video in years it made me cringe. I forgot how graphic the scene was and it’s disturbing as hell. I never thought a TLC video would leave me scarred for life.

2. “Tourniquet” – Marilyn Manson

As much as I love Marilyn Manson now, I thought he was the creepiest dude when I was ten. I still remember finding my brother’s copy of Mechanical Animals and being utterly confused by the cover. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I accidentally saw this video while watching Celebrity Deathmatch. After Manson won against Charles Manson, they decided to show this clip. And man did it give me nightmares. Though it’s now one of my favorite videos, I still don’t know what the hell is going on. Manson’s movements along with black eyed semi-human/semi-mannequin creatures scared the piss out of me. But it still intrigued me; I’d never seen anything like it before. When I saw the video again, I watched while covering my eyes and peeking out every now and then. Years later, I turned into a dedicated fan. Gotta admit I didn’t see that one coming.

1. “Oh Father” – Madonna

I’ve talked about how accidentally terrifying this video is in the past, so I’ll be brief about it here. I saw this video at a very young age and when it reached the part where the little girl, who is supposed to be Madonna, reaches her mother in the casket terrified me. Not because she was dead, but because of the fucking close up of her lips sewn shut. It’s not grotesque and it doesn’t even stay on the screen that long. But it was enough to disturb me and haunt me ever since. Because of that scene, I rarely revisit the video. It still gives me the chills today. The rest of the video is beautiful and timeless. Yet, that one scene has stayed with me for years. For that reason along it gets the top spot.

Did any of these videos scare you as a kid? What videos gave you chills? Let me know in the comments!

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12 Creepy Moments from Non-horror Videos

Ever since the music video was born, there have been artists making clips that set out to get under your skin. These videos are often creepy, disturbing, and sometimes down right scary. But then there’s that group of videos that start out tame, making you think you’re in the safe zone. Out nowhere there’s one image or scene where things take an ugly turn whether it’d be scary or chilling. These videos aren’t horrific, but there’s one instance where things get batshit crazy. Here are 12 seemingly safe videos with creepy moments. Not all of the scenes are scary, but they’re weird, unsettling, or just unexpected.

12. “Heart & Soul” – Huey Lewis and the News

This Huey Lewis video starts out like any other from the 80s; in a club with ridiculous fashion choices. Lewis strides in talking about a woman who has caught his attention, along with the attention of everyone else in the club. Everyone’s dancing, Lewis is singing, and then without warning there’s a shot of a vampire waiter. No explanation. He makes an appearance and is gone again. He makes another brief return near the end when he’s sucking blood out of one of his victims. Okay, so the vampire isn’t scary, more like baffling. What was the point of having him there? It just doesn’t make any sense. It feels so random in this seemingly generic video.

11. “Rockit” – Herbie Hancock

There’s a lot going on that’s unsettling in this video, but I never considered any of it as intentional. It more seemed like one of those 80s videos taking advantage of new technology. Watching it again, there are a lot of scarring images from this video: disembodied legs walking around, faceless robots making jerky movements, and a weird bird snapping at the window. But the thing that’s worse than all of these are the mechanical bots with weird, fleshy like skin over their faces. They don’t do much in the video aside from slowly rotating their heads. It’s like they’re trying to disguise themselves as human and it’s disturbing. When that’s the most horrific thing in a weird video featuring creepy robots, you know something is wrong.

10. “Sweet Dream (Are Made of This)” – Eurythmics

This video already has some weird stuff going on, but the concept seems simple: Annie Lennox looks like a dictator as she points to a screen where a missile heads toward the earth. It seems as normal as a Eurythmics video could be until midway through. Lennox and Stewart appear in weird costumes and masks “playing” a cello outside and being generally creepy. Out of nowhere comes a close up of a cow, a cow that roams around for the rest of the video. The clip ends with them in a cow pasture for some reason. It may not be scary, but there’s something creepy and unexpected of seeing a cow close up wandering aimlessly. There’s something unsettling and weird about it, especially in a video that’s already strange.

9. “InBetween Days” – The Cure

Oh look, it’s The Cure being kind of goofing and actually looking happy. They all look like they’re having a good time with the upbeat music and – what the fuck is that?! With some clever glow in the dark make-up The Cure turns this lighthearted video into a nightmare. As Robert Smith is singing the second verse, his image is slowly replaced with another image of him in eerie green and blue make up. What we’re left with is a monstrous looking version of the singer. It’s so simple, but it’s made all the more terrifying with his head movements and his glowing red eyes. Then the video returns to normal as if nothing happened, making you question if it really happened. The Cure pulled a similar move in their video for “Boys Don’t Cry.” You gotta love a band that wants to creep out their fans.

8. “Oh Father” – Madonna

This beautiful black and white video is semi-autobiographical for the singer. It follows a little girl dealing with the death of her mother, while surviving her father’s rage. It’s somber as Madonna walks through a snowy cemetery and the little girl is constantly yelled at by her father. But the image that has stayed in my mind since I first saw the video at the tender age of 6 is the little girl’s mother in the coffin. When she steps up to give her a kiss, she see’s her mother’s lips sewn together. The image isn’t gruesome in any way, but it’s unsettling especially for someone who didn’t understand death or funerals. Madonna provided another unsettling image in her “Bedtime Story” video where she has mouths for eyes. Thanks for the nightmares, Madonna.

7. “Land of Confusion” – Genesis

Do I really need to explain what makes this one terrifying? The fucking puppets. It’s supposed to be a parody of current events of the 80’s along with the hot celebrities, but they all look like the result of an experiment gone horribly wrong. The keyboard player looks like a dehydrated Mick Jagger and Phil Collins looks like a giant potato. Everything about the video is horrible from how the puppets move to a scene where Puppet Regan drowns in his bed. The result is even worse when they put puppet heads on human bodies. And the scene with Regan slowly emerging from the water is nightmare material. I guess Genesis wanted to make their feelings clear about the president, but couldn’t they have done it in a less terrifying way?

6. “Puttin on the Ritz” – Taco

This one of those moments from the 80’s that makes you question people’s taste. The song was quite popular and the video is weird. The concept isn’t that bad; it’s Taco strolling through alleyways and downtown singing. But the video loses its mind near the end. There close ups of living mannequins singing and people in creepy old men masks. All the while Taco robotically sings and makes strained faces making him look like someone you shouldn’t trust. To make things worse the uncensored version has backup dancers tap dancing with Taco in blackface. It’s one of those moments that makes you question “did I just see that?” The video was horrible enough on its own. Why is this bit in there? It’s unsettling and baffling especially for a clip in the 80’s.

5. “Plug in Baby” – Muse

Videos from the 80’s aren’t the only ones that lure into a false sense of safety. Muse’s clip for “Plug in Baby” seems standard: the band performs the song mixed with footage of dead-eyed models. Classic rock star stuff. It’s until a brief shot of a pair of disembodied legs that you begin to question things. Eventually it’s revealed all the models aren’t human and have what look like tentacles or wires sticking out from their bodies. The pulsing effects on the tentacles are kind of cheesy, but it still gives you shivers when you see legs with only tentacles attached thrusting in the air. What the fuck, Muse.

4. “Self-Control” – Laura Branigan

Laura Branigan talks about the pleasures of the night in this weird clip. It starts out pretty sane with the singer walking through the streets and hitting up a night club. Along the way she spots a guy in a Phantom of the Opera mask, but that’s not what makes this video unsettling. He eventually takes her to a weird basement party where everyone is rubbing against each other wearing masquerade masks. Even that isn’t why the video is on the list. It’s when Branigan finds herself at home with these same people rubbing, caressing, and stroking her that it reaches uncomfortable levels. No matter how many times I see this video it always creeps me out. And yeah, it’s not particularly scary or anything like that, but something about their unnatural movements with those still, eerie masks makes this video horrid. Who thought this was a good idea?

3. “Wild Wild West” – Escape Club

This INXS wannabe video starts off with each of the members playing the song while faux Michael Hutchence gyrates in the corner. Seems like a standard bad 80’s video until the camera pans out shows disembodied legs and arms playing the tambourine. What makes it even worse is they’re connected making it look like one long body limb. It’s just fucking creepy looking. All they’re doing is clapping their hands and tapping their feet, but it looks obscene not attached to a body. It gets even worse when a pair of the legs tries to be scintillating by first rubbing on the singer and then rubbing on its own legs. Who let this monstrosity happen? It’s a video made to give you nightmares.

3. “Jeopardy” – Greg Kihn Band

A wedding day is the focus of this clip. We see Greg Kihn getting ready to get married and trying to get over his cold feet. Sounds pretty standard so far until Kihn looks around him and sees other couples literally joined together. One couple’s arms are fused together while another couple are like odd Siamese twins with a pulsing organ between them. Kihn tries to shake it off and is relieved to see his bride his normal. Until her face changes into a rotting skeleton and her jaw falls off. The rest of the video goes batshit crazy where the entire church turns into zombies and a disembodied tentacle tries to devour Kihn. It all turns out to be a dream and Kihn returns to reality. What is up with videos from the 80’s starting out sane and going nuts at the end? It’s like the director got high in the middle of filming and changed the script.

2. “Shock to the System” – Billy Idol

It’s hard to imagine anything scarier looking in this video aside from Billy Idol’s hairstyle but there is. After Idol gets beaten by the cops in a dystopian future, his body starts absorbing the electronic debris surrounding him. As if the image of wires being sucked into his hand wasn’t creepy enough, we then get a close up of Idol’s contorted face. He grimaces in pain as one eye steadily bulges out further and further from his face. Finally, it pops revealing itself to be a camera lens. Then Idol is transformed into a literal mechanical man full of gears and wires sticking out of him. The video itself may be confusing and laughable but the way Idol jerks and shakes with all those buts sticking out is disturbing. Who greenlit this idea?

1. “Total Eclipse of the Heart” – Bonnie Tyler

So, this may be cheating a little bit, but this video is too insane to not include. Every moment of this clip is batshit crazy. In the span of five minutes, you see ninjas, Cirque du Soleil dancers, football players, fencers, swimmers being splashed with water, rejects from Grease, and Bonnie Tyler fighting a wind machine. So much is happening in this video you think you’re prepared for anything. That is until Tyler runs into the possessed children’s choir with glowing eyes. The effects are pretty cheap by today’s standards, but that moment when a single boy flies towards the singer will make your heart jump. Why is this happening? This video makes absolutely no sense. It’s like they had a huge budget with no concept and said “Fuck it, it’ll look good in the end.” If I had to pick one video to represent the excess of the 80’s this would be it.

Honorable Mention:

“Talking In Your Sleep” – The Romantics

This video didn’t make the list because nothing really happens: the band walks around singing in what looks like a factory full of women sleeping upright. It’s weird, but nothing that creeps you out. But it gets an honorable mention because of singer Wally Palmer. Something about the way he attempts to dance to the music while having the same dead expression on his face is unsettling. It’s like he’s a robot pretending to be human and decided this is the way humans move and dance. It weirds me out every time, especially when he tries to make sensual (?) expressions.

Which one of these videos gives you nightmares? Is there a video I missed? Let me know in the comments!

Rank the Videos: The Cure 1992 – 2008

For the past few months, I’ve been re-watching and re-ranking videos by The Cure to celebrate their upcoming Chicago shows. Now, we’re almost a week away and I can barely contain myself. But before the high pitched sequels and mass fangirling about seeing Robert Smith, it’s time to rank the last batch of Cure videos. Unlike the previous two entries, I have not previously ranked these videos, so this list is completely fresh. While the 80s had some of the band’s best videos, the 90s had some of their most lackluster. While there are some good ones in the mix, most of them are forgettable or just bad. So let’s take a look at the last of The Cure’s videos, until they hopefully release another album.

“Friday I’m in Love” (1992)

One of The Cure’s most successful songs gets the most playful video. In a homage to filmmaker Georges Melies, the band perform in front of various backdrops, including one advertising some of their previous singles and videos. As they sing, performers representing characters from Melies’ films come out and shower the set with confetti, sparklers, and balloons. The Cure get in on it as they put on silly costumes, dance, and have a drink. There’s not much of a plot, rather it’s just the band having a good time on set. Seeing them freeze like statues or Smith trying to keep beat while wearing an awkward mask as a hat is sure to make you chuckle. Sadly, this would be the last time The Cure worked with Tim Pope until 1997.

“High” (1992)

This clip from the Wish era may make your eyes hurt since it has a washed out overlay. But the rest of the video is a dream, matching the album’s sound perfectly. The band play on a ship in a cloudy sky where images from the lyrics, like “makes me bite my fingers through,” actually play out. Smith then floats above the clouds on a kite, with fellow bandmate Perry is steering. Smith then safely returns to land to finish the song. The video is bright and colorful and it plays like an adventurous dream, the kind you don’t want to wake up from. Like their best videos this one is whimsical and leaves you feeling good.

“The End of the World” (2004)

Directed by Floria Sigimondi, whose done videos for Marilyn Manson and The White Stripes, this is the coolest video of The Cure’s later era. Using a cool, yet eerie stop motion effect, Smith shuffles around his house which is slowly crumbling to the ground. It seems possessed as dishes start breaking, cans spin around, and a doll keeps wandering around the house. When Smith travels outside he finds the other members also roaming around their destroyed houses. In the end, the house goes back to normal and Smith walks in wondering what just happened. The stand out effects and the dreary look of the video gives it an eerie vibe, especially when you see cups with faces on them sliding around on their own. And since it’s something more than just the band performing in front of a background, it has a slight Tim Pope feel, which is nice for longtime fans.

“alt. end” (2004)

Smith seems to be stuck in the recesses of his mind in this video. As Smith falls asleep at the typewriter, we enter what seems like a whimsical world, but actually shows different scenarios ranging from sad (a couple fighting) to horrifying (a woman with her head cut off). Things get more intense and strange as Smith continues wandering through the woods holding his head. It’s kind of weird, but the dark imagery and some of the effects gives it an imaginative look and feel. There’s quite a bit going on it may take you a few views to try to piece together what’s going on, but at least the video tries to be creative.

“Wrong Number” (1997)

Bad acid trip is the only way to describe what’s happening in this video. In their first collaboration with Tim Pope in seven years, this video centers around the bright colors mentioned in the song and slithering creatures, like snakes and worms. Everything else are just random clips spliced together of Smith getting married, joining forces with a witch doctor, and seemingly going crazy and crawling around on the floor. There are even scenes with random scary clowns and weird flying fish creatures with a human face. It’s a fucking mess. From the look in his eyes and the way he sweats, it looks like Smith himself is on some bad trip. It’s wild and weird, but one of their better later videos.

“Cut Here” (2001)

This video is simple, but it’s nicely done and feels appropriate for the somber song. The video uses a panoramic effect to show the band performing and switches to close ups on various members. Nothing else happens, but its sleek look, subtle effects, and simple concept makes it stand out. And since the song is about Smith’s friend Billy Mackenzie, who committed suicide in 1997, the bare bones video allows viewers to take in the lyrics instead of obsessing over the visuals.

“Taking Off” (2004)

One of their more playful videos, this one finds the band about the size of ants playing the song as large animals and butterflies roam around them. Think of it as Honey, I Shrunk the Kids meets The Cure. During the hook, Smith floats into the air closer to the sun only to drop back down and join the other members. The best part are Smith’s gestures as he’s more animated wiggling around and pounding his head to the beat of the song. It’s not their best or most creative video, but it’s pretty cute.

“The 13th” (1996)

Strange video for The Cure’s strangest single. It starts off with a battered and bruised Smith in a hotel bed trying to figure out where he is. He finds he’s in a motel with a smiling woman wearing a wedding dress. She dances and twirls trying to seduce him while he slowly tries to piece together what’s going on. Then it cuts to Smith playing with a Latin band on a Spanish variety show. The video goes back and forth between these two worlds as Smith becomes more and more enamored with the person in white. The clip ends with the person in his room and the woman he was previously singing with fighting. It really doesn’t make any sense. It’s entertaining, but at the same time you ask yourself why are these things happening. As a result it’s one of their most forgettable singles.

“The Only One” (2008)

Freakshow” (2008)

“Sleep When I’m Dead” (2008)

“The Perfect Boy” (2008)

These are all lumped together because they’re all pretty much the same: black and white performance videos. It’s just the band, miming the song in a studio setting with various close ups of each of the members. Maybe they were exciting when they first came out since it was their first new songs in four years, but now they’re kind of dull, especially to watch back to back. The only thing notable about these clips are the random faces Smith pulls off. It wouldn’t be so bad if the clips were varied, but they’re a carbon copy of each other. Hopefully, their future videos are more exciting.

“A Letter to Elise” (1992)

This is a straightforward performance video. The band mime the song on stage in what looks like sound check, with an occasional blue tint over them. Yeah, it’s pretty dull. Unless you’re a huge fan of this song there’s nothing much to keep you watching til the end. It’s so disappointing the final single from Wish got such a boring video, especially since the previous singles got really memorable clips. It’s no surprise to learn this clip was not directed by Tim Pope, which is a huge reason why it’s so forgettable.

“Gone!” (1996)

What is even happening in this video? What starts out looking like a standard in concert clip turns into a mess. The video switches between varying footage of the band on stage playing the song and footage of one of the members fixing the bus, one of them sleeping, and Smith sitting with older ladies having tea, which is the most memorable shot from the entire video. Smith tries to have some fun with it by doing his silly dancing and faces, but it doesn’t make the video anymore entertaining. It manages to be yet another forgettable clip from the Wild Mood Swings era.

“Mint Car” (1996)

Robert Smith stumbles around in wacky costumes. That’s the entirety of this video. Smith goes from set to set in different outfits while singing the song. It seems like this clip is trying to capture that same fun, carefree vibe of “Friday, I’m in Love,” but it’s so easy to see through. This one feels forced and too scripted. Smith just looks unsure of himself most of the time. And it’s this video that made me realize how Tim Pope managed to capture all the members in the band. Later directors solely focused on Smith and that’s what happens here. Try to spot the other members. It’s pretty difficult if you ask me. But to top it all off the video ends with a shot of Smith staring into the camera taking off his coat. It wouldn’t be so bizarre if it didn’t look like it was better suited for the Backstreet Boys. Even though it tries really hard, it’s one of their worst videos.

“Just Say Yes” (2001)

Does anyone even remember this song? Another lackluster song gets a dull video. It’s hard to pick what’s more annoying: the unflattering close ups of Robert Smith or the singer Saffron, bouncing with energy not meshing with Smith’s subdued nature. This video is just the band singing the song and occasionally wearing funny costumes. But everything about it seems forced. Smith looks pained as he sings with Saffron and the other members don’t look all that thrilled to be there. This is one of the videos you wish you could forget.

Where did your favorite video end up on the list? How would you rank these videos? Let me know in the comments!

Rank the Videos: The Cure 1986-1990 (REDUX)

I know I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Cure are one of the best bands from the 80’s. Not only is the proof in their amazing songs, but it can also be found in their crazy, cool videos. If you’ve been following long enough, you know I’ve already ranked these videos. But since I’m lucky enough to be seeing the band next month, I wanted to revisit all of their videos. Have my opinions changed? Was I too harsh on one clip? Join me as I once again rank these Cure videos from best to worst. Where will your favorite land?

“Lullaby” (1989)

This is one of The Cure’s best videos and the best part is it still holds up 27 years later. The creepy song has an equally creepy video, which finds Robert Smith being eaten by a giant spider. For added effect, he is also shown covered in webs as this “spider man” who comes to eat people. Smith lays in bed gradually being covered in spider webs and even turns into a weird human spider sprouting several arms and legs. And even though it looks kind of cheesy, when they show Smith on the ceiling like a spider it still creeps me out; maybe because they linger on it longer than they should. Definitely don’t watch if you’re deathly afraid of spiders. Great make up, cool costumes, and one weird looking spider prop all make for an amazing video. Fun fact: originally a spider was supposed to be crawling all over Smith, but he refused since he is afraid of spiders.

“Close to Me (Remix)” (1990)

In 1990, the band released Mixed Up, their only remix album, and it included a new version of their hit “Close to Me.” They decided to film a new video to go along with and it has to be one of best things they’ve done. What makes the clip so ingenious is it continues where the original video left off. We see the wardrobe falling into the sea, then we are taken underwater where Smith and Co. swim out and explore the underwater world. More awesome costumes and weird props, including a trumpet playing octopus out to get Smith make the video odd, but fun. I love the part where they make it look like bubbles are coming out of Smith’s mouth while he’s singing. What makes the video even more charming is that they did this all on a set; no CGI found here. Unfortunately, this clip gets overshadowed by the original, which is also awesome.

“Why Can’t I Be You?” (1987)

This is probably the only time you’ll see The Cure attempting to dance and yes, it’s just as awful as you imagine. At least they tried. This is like a bad fever dream featuring awful dancing, flashing lights, bright colors, and a pair of disembodied lips. The band looks like they raided a Party City for various costumes ranging from vampire to bear. And let’s not forget one of the members imitating Louis Armstrong. Yeah…it’s pretty awkward. Aside from that it’s the silliest video they’ve ever done and it’s amazing. It also shows that it wasn’t all death and depression for the infamous dark band. They knew how to have a good time in the most bizarre way possible. Pope dubs it as the video he always wanted to make. The 12” version of the video features additional footage of the band dancing.

“Never Enough” (1990)

This is another quirky and odd video from the band featuring each member performing in a freak show. Robert Smith does double duty as an overweight woman who keeps flashing her thighs and a Siamese twin with bassist Simon, while Porl plays the bearded lady. Some of the visuals are really cool, such as The Cure looking gigantic while playing on a small stage or when it looks like Smith is hanging over the ocean. There are even some gruesome close ups of Smith in black make up that are kind of creepy when you look at them long enough. It’s videos like this that make you realize The Cure should get more credit for having some of the most creative and innovative music videos of the 80’s and 90’s.

“A Night Like This” (1986)

Even though this song got the video treatment, it was never officially released as a single, which is a shame because it’s one of their best. Unlike their previous videos, there’s nothing whimsical here. It’s mainly the band standing there playing the song looking morose, but what makes it stand out is how it seems to be running backwards. The band’s movement is very slow and spastic; Smith looks like he has no control over his arms at times. Also, rather than the camera zooming in on the group, it’s constantly moving away from them, something you don’t see very often. It’s a video that’s easy to miss, but it’s still one of their better clips.

“Just Like Heaven” (1987)

If you don’t know The Cure, you’ve at least heard this song. It’s still their most popular and most accessible single. The video is pretty memorable with the band back at Beachy Head, the cliff where they “fell off” in their previous video “Close to Me.” The video marks the only appearance of Smith’s long term wife Mary Poole; she’s the one who comes out and dances with him during the dreamy sequence. This is probably what The Cure will always be known for, but you can’t complain; it’s a great song. The clip is simple, yet beautifully shot. Though the band are wearing all black, they somehow manage to stand out against the sky backdrop.

“Boys Don’t Cry” (1986)

The whole idea for this video is actually really cute. Even though the video was released in 1986, the song was first recorded in 1979 for their debut album when the band was a trio, which is how they’re depicted here. They even went so far as to get their original bassist Michael Dempsy for the shoot. What makes the clip so adorable is that there are three young lads representing members of the band, while the members dance around as silhouettes. It gets kind of creepy at the end when the silhouettes of the members suddenly sport glowing red eyes. It doesn’t sound like it should be that scary, but it’s actually quite disturbing.

“Catch” (1987)

This is probably one of my favorite Cure songs, even though it doesn’t seem to get that much attention. Something about it is so relaxing and pretty. That might’ve been the vibe they were after with the video. There isn’t action or whimsy here. It’s only the band at the beach enjoying the beautiful scenery. And Lol walking around pretending he knows how to play the violin. It has to be one of the most unremarkable Cure clips out there. It’s almost surprising to learn that Tim Pope directed this one too, since his videos seem to find the band in odd situations and costumes. Though nothing much goes on, it’s still an enjoyable video for the beautiful outdoor shots.

“Lovesong” (1989)

This video is kind of awkward since the band are surrounded by phallic cave formations and yes, they look phallic on purpose (thanks Tim Pope). The opening shot is clearly a dick. It’s just hard to watch at times. No wonder the guys look uncomfortable sitting there. Smith looks like he wants to disappear as he curls up in a ball while Simon looks at the scene very disapprovingly. Smith originally wrote the song for his wife as her wedding present, but it must be hard to sing it when surrounded by a cave full of dicks. No joke, the director said he wanted to show the raw sexual power of the band. Is that really something you think of when you think of The Cure? I didn’t think so either.

“Hot Hot Hot!!!” (1988)

If this video is notable for anything it’s Robert Smith’s lack of hair. This is around the time where he decided to practically cut it all off and needless to say Cureheads were shocked by Smith’s new look. Weird ass puppets, awkward dancing, and “dwarf” versions of the band are all found in this chaotic and confusing clip. It’s not a boring video, but it’s not that memorable. The same can be said about the song. The clip is just weird and Smith’s embellished singing is hard to stomach. If you ever wondered what The Cure would sound like as a weird funk, Jazz band then check out this video; yes the results are as disjointed and awkward as you think. Why did they think the video, let alone the song, was a good idea? Probably drugs. Believe it or not there’s a 12” version that features more head scratching footage.

“Fascination Street” (1989)

The video for the US only single originally had a cool concept involving time travel and Doctor Who references. But due to time constraints and not being sure if American audiences would understand the concept, they settled for the band playing their instruments with some hazy effects over them. A part of the original idea is seen during the beginning; there is a police box shown much like the one used for the Tardis in Doctor Who. It’s a shame that such a great song got a mediocre video.

“Pictures of You” (1990)

This is another video I’ve always found disappointing. This is one of the songs that made me fall in love with the band, so it’s sad that the video is kind of boring. The set up is actually pretty cute: the band performs in a winter snowstorm in Scotland surrounded by palm trees and beach toys. There’s nothing else to it. Sure, it looks like they’re having a great time and Smith looks amazing in it, but there’s nothing about it to hold your attention til the end. It’s one I’d rather skip.

“Killing an Arab” (1986)

This seems to be the band’s artsy video. It doesn’t feature them at all, rather just an elderly man walking around a village until he reaches the sea. It actually looks like the same guy on their greatest hits album cover. The video seems to take inspiration from The Stranger by Albert Camus, which is what the song is based on (not the actual killing of Arabs). Beside from that, nothing else happens. It’s kind of bland and boring, especially when compared to their later videos. But it is appropriate for the song. This clip can only be found on their 1986 video collection Staring at the Sea: the Images. The Cure have since re-named the song “Killing Another,” because they were tired of the constant racist accusations.

“Jumping Someone Else’s Train” (1986)

This is a great song from their debut album, but the video is nothing but train tracks sped up from the point of view of the train. I guess it’s an interesting idea, but that’s all that happens. The band isn’t in it and it’s not like the train crashes at the end or anything like that. It basically goes from one stop to the next. The video wasn’t even released along with the single in 1979. Rather, it was specifically made for their first video collection, Staring At the Sea: the Images. It’s interesting to see at least, but it’s not something that you would watch again and it’s definitely not memorable.

Rank the Videos: The Cure 1979-1985 (REDUX)

A while back I started ranking all of The Cure videos by year. I managed to finish half of their videos before life stepped in and prevented me from finishing it up. Now, I have the pleasure of seeing The Cure live and I’m so excited I started watching all their videos again. This gave me time to reflect on my original ranking and thoughts on these videos when I watched them the first time. Some of my feelings remained the same while my opinion changed on others. As a countdown to The Cure’s June shows, here’s an updated ranking of their videos from 1978 – 1985.

“Close to Me” (1985)

This is one of the finest Cure collaborations with Tim Pope yet and definitely not one for those who suffer from claustrophobia. The clip finds the band trapped in a wardrobe that falls off a cliff and lands in the ocean. The scenario is both funny and terrifying as the wardrobe begins to fill with water. My favorite part is when they use everyday items like a comb and a toy keyboard as make shift instruments. Also, the little dolls Robert Smith dances around with are pretty cool too. The video was so good when they re-released this single in the early 90’s, they did a continuation of it. It’s just such a unique concept for a video, especially during an era filled with arrogance and excess. It’s one of their most imaginative and unique videos to date.

“Inbetween Days” (1985)

This is one of those Cure videos that starts out pretty quirky and silly with cool camera angles and colorful neon socks flying around the screen. But as is standard with the band, it quickly grows creepy when the members sport neon colors on their face that makes it look like they’re a the glow-in-the-dark edition of the band. Smith looks giddy as he skips across the screen and swings the camera back and forth. The bright colors, weird make-up, and of course the socks is what makes this video stand out and gives it iconic status. It’s another whimsical and odd video from long time Cure collaborator Tim Pope.

“The Lovecats” (1983)

This is a silly video to go along with a silly song. This jazzy ode to cats features what else but cats (both live and stuffed). Smith and crew pull off their best cat impressions by sneaking around the set, clawing at the air, and laying around being lazy. The best part is when Smith is sitting on the staircase with a kitten when it twitches and nicks him on the finger. Also, you gotta love his awkward dance when he’s surrounded by a bunch of groovy kitty cats. It’s one of their weirder videos, but also a lot of fun. You can’t help but imitate Smith’s gestures while the clip is playing. Whether or not he was high while filming this we can’t tell, but the answer is most likely yes.

“The Walk” (1983)

This is another weird video from the band. What’s happening here? Who knows. This video is like dreams and nightmares smashed into three minutes. It has magic tricks, scary ass Japanese baby dolls flying through the air, Robert Smith sitting in a wading pool with what appears to be clown make up on, glitter showers, and an old woman signing a portion of the song. You know what, forget about the dream part, this is just a nightmare. Sorry, for the poor video quality.

“Let’s Go to Bed” (1982)

This video marks the beginning of The Cure’s relationship with video director Tim Pope. Like many of the later videos they would make with him, this one is odd, whimsical, and a bit funny. It features Smith and Lol Tolhurst romping around a make shift bedroom that has a broken bunk bed, a Christmas tree, eggs, and. blue apples, which Smith proceeds to break and eat. It also features Lol having what appears to be a seizure passed off as dancing. But Smith has time to break out his own robotic dance moves making him all the more charming. It doesn’t make any damn sense, but it sure is entertaining because it’s so weird and playful. It’s a nice change from the bleak, bland videos that marked the beginning of their career.

“The Caterpillar” (1984)

Really, there isn’t much going on in this video: it features two new members of the band who didn’t return after The Top was released, a dancing Chinese dragon at the beginning, a flickering effect that makes The Cure change their color of clothing, and Robert Smith trying his damnedest to avoid the camera. Seriously, he doesn’t look at the camera even once. I didn’t notice this the first time I saw it. Believe it or not Beavis and Butthead had to point it out to me. I’m surprised I actually learned something from that show. The clip also marks the return of guitarist Porl Thompson, who left the band in 1979. Otherwise, it’s just The Cure hanging out in The Great Conservatory of London with a couple of caterpillars to keep them company.

“The Hanging Garden” (1982)

Before this, Cure videos were boring and only featured a dull band badly miming their instruments, but for this song they decided to actually give a shit. The clip is interesting to say the least. The band performs in a park surrounded by odd statues that keep changing into animals. There’s even a point where Lol wears the skin of the tiger over himself for…reasons. The best part are the horrendous 80’s effects, especially when the stone armadillo “walks” across the screen. But again the band manages to make the video weird when they put on creepy red and white masks. It’s a odd clip that doesn’t make any sense, but it’s still an interesting video. Also, this is the start of Smith’s iconic hairstyle, so at least there’s that.

“10:15 Saturday Night” (1979)

This is The Cure’s first video, so it’s forgivable that it’s not very good. The video does show a fresh looking band just getting started. It’s basically just a performance and features no story whatsoever. Cure fans will appreciate the footage, especially since it features original Cure bassist Michael Dempsey. Plus, you gotta love how Smith is rocking the bowl cut.

“A Forest” (1980)

What saves this video from getting the bottom ranking, is the fact that there are images of what else but a forest in vivid colors in between shots of a bored looking Cure. Smith’s face never changes once during the entire clip. He mimes the song with this dead look in his eyes like he doesn’t want to be there. It also may come as a shock for newer Cure fans to see Smith without his iconic look. Rather than having his infamous back combed hair, he has a short haircut and no make up on. He’s almost unrecognizable. It’s not their greatest video, but the dark mood of the song paired with images of the forest gives this clip an air of mystery and eeriness that’s often found in the band’s songs.

“Other Voices” (1981)

This is another video where not much happens, but at it least finds the band trying their best. It’s also the first time Robert Smith dons his infamous make up look. It has this weird cloudy effect that looks like the entire crew were smoking a bunch of cigarettes five minutes before starting. The effect is really stupid since the video opens with the camera slowly zooming in on the band, yet it looks like its focusing on nothing. You can tell they were going for something creepy, but instead it looks like a fog rolled in. The song may be great the video is too disorienting.

“Charlotte Sometimes” (1981)

This has got to be the cheesiest Cure video ever. The “story” is awful, the shots are lame, and the effects are corny. After watching this it’s clear why most of their videos don’t have a plot. The protagonist runs around an abandoned boarding school having weird visions while members of the band lurk in the shadows. It’s just awful. When you see Smith hunched in the corner hoping no one sees him, you can’t help but laugh. Even Robert Smith hates the video saying when he first saw it he didn’t know whether “to laugh or cry.” It’s so bad it’s painful to watch. It’s just an example of a band trying way too hard to be dark and mysterious. Anyone whose a fan of The Cure’s early work knows they didn’t have to try that hard.

“Primary” (1981)

Again, this is a video where nothing happens. The band plays their instruments and sings the song. The only thing that makes it slightly entertaining are a few shots of little girls rummaging through a costume chest. Don’t ask me why they’re there because I don’t know, but it at least gives you something else besides Robert Smith and the crew to look at. And finally we start to see Smith play around with his image as he’s wearing makeup in this clip. Otherwise, the video is really bland.

“Play for Today” (1980)

This has got to be the lamest Cure video ever. Nothing happens. Smith isn’t even wearing make up, so you can’t even look at that. The band doesn’t look like they’re having fun while they’re playing. They make it look like being in band and making music videos are the worst things on the planet. What’s really annoying is how bassist Simon Gallup awkwardly stands near the amp and looks miserable while playing bass. And keyboardist Matthieu Hartley looks like a random guy wandered on set and doesn’t realize he’s in the shot. This is the type of video that someone would upload on Youtube hoping to make it big, only to end up being the butt of the jokes. Thank God Cure videos have progressed since then.

Where did your favorite Cure video end up? How would you rank these? Let me know in the comments! Stay tuned for part two coming next month.