Top 12 Musician Food Products You Didn’t Know Existed

It’s Thanksgiving, a time for good food and frivolous arguments with your family. It’s the time for people to come together and chow down on good grub. Some musicians go the extra mile and provide some of the food on the table. There are stories of weird band merch, like coffins and dildos, but these food products might be the weirdest yet. Here are 12 artists with their own food lines that run from strange to downright bizzare.

12. Cheese by Alex James

What’s the first thing you do when your band is selling millions of albums? Make cheese. At least that’s what Blur’s Alex James did. Even though the idea sounds strange, he’s actually really good at it. He produces several award winning artisan cheeses along with everyday cheeses stocked in British grocery stores. Unlike many of the products on this list, this one is pretty well respected. At least it doesn’t sound like a bad marketing ploy. Rather, it seems like James likes making cheese. Guess he’s gotta do something when he’s not making music.

11. New Kids on the Block Cereal

This is one of those things that could only exist in the ’90s. NKOTB were so popular the Ralston company thought it was a good idea to make a cereal based on them. If fans were willing to buy sheets, board games, and t-shirts with their faces plastered all over them why should this be any different? Well, it seems the fans were smarter than they thought. Even though some sample boxes were produced, it was never released to the public. Yet their cartoon series somehow was greenlit.

10. GWAR-B-Q sauce

Everything about this band is a little ridiculous from their goblin identities to their albums with such titles as This Toilet Earth. Every summer they hold a barbecue event with food and a show, so it was only a matter time before they released their own BBQ sauce. Who wouldn’t want to slather their sandwiches in a sauce that’s self described as being made from “the blood of really hot chicks.” It actually sounds like it might be good, all except for the blood part.

9. So Much Hot Sauce

While doing research for this list I learned one thing: there’s a lot of celebrity hot sauce out there. There are hundreds of hot sauces with musician’s name on it. Why? You could say because hot sauce is good, but I think it’s because it’s easy to make and easy to market, which means more money for said musician. As I said, there are lots out there, but the most bizarre brands come from the Misfits, Gringo Bandito by Dexter Holland (The Offspring), Aerosmith’s Joe Perry, Patti LaBelle, and revered guitarist Zakk Wylde, which features images of Satan and the Grim Reaper, so you know it’s bad ass. While most of them have pretty decent reviews, the idea of musicians having their own hot sauce is ridiculous. What’s next their own ice cream? Oh.

8. Too Many Liquors to List

Just like with hot sauce, it seems to be fairly easy for an artist to slap their name on a bottle of liquor. A quick Google search will return more results than you can count. Some of the weirdest come from the likes of Justin Timberlake (901 Tequila), Marilyn Manson (Mansinthe), Ludacris (Conjure Cognac), Pharrell (Qream Liqueur), and Sammy Hagar (Beach Bar Rum). ’80s metal band Whitesnake even have their own wine, Zinfadel. There are plenty more out there and the thought is almost as ridiculous as celebrity perfumes. What does this tell us? Creating music is hard and requires you to get blitzed.

7. Hanson Beer

In case you haven’t heard the news, Hanson is still making music. But when they aren’t touring or taking care of their enormous amount of kids they’re making beer. What’s even better? It’s called MmmHops. I’m pretty sure they only made the beer as an excuse to use that pun (it is pretty great). It’s clear the guys aren’t taking themselves too seriously with this product. The bottle even says “From the guys who made Mmmbop.” Taylor Hanson admits the whole concept started as a joke. Since the band are aware of how ridiculous the whole thing is you can’t hate them for it. Plus, they have a whole line of outrageous merch from clothespins and aprons to cookie cutters and even a Monopoly Board game, just in time for the holidays.

6. Nelly’s Pimpjuice

Nelly was one of the most popular rappers in the mid-2000’s. In 2003, he released the single “Pimp Juice.” The song saw it’s share of success and controversy for glorifying prostitution. How do you celebrate a song that caused so many debates? Make a fucking beverage named after it. The Filmore Brewery Street company thought this was a wise idea and did just that the same year. To no one’s surprise, people raised a fuss again saying it glorified prostitution. Nelly responded to the backlash by saying “Pimp Juice is anything that attracts the opposite sex; it could be money, fame, or straight intellect; it don’t matter! Pimp Juice is color blind; you find it works on all colors, creeds and kinds; from ages 50 right down to nine.” People weren’t keen on selling anything with the word “pimp” on it to their kids and now the drink is only available overseas.

5. Marky Ramone’s Pasta Sauce

He was once a part of an iconic punk rock group that’s still an inspiration to millions of musicians. When he departed the band in 1996 he decided the best way to ensure his legacy was creating pasta sauce. How do you go from legendary punk band to pasta sauce? You can tell this sauce is punk rock because the black and white label shows Marky playing the drums. That means it’s edgy. According to the low budget commercial, this is something he threw together, but never bothers to let us know what’s in the sauce. But if you’re dying to know what rock n roll sauce tastes likes you can get a case now for only $88. You can also get some Marky Ramone cookies for desert. Dinner is served.

4. Frozen Meals by Dwight Yoakam

Dwight Yoakam is an established singer-songwriter mostly known for his country music. He’s a respected artist with over 30 singles on the Billboard Hot 100. So it’s baffling to learn he has his own line of frozen appetizers. You can choose from Chicken Lickin’ chicken fries, Chicken Lickin’s pizza fries, and even Take Em’s poppers. With so many frozen food choices to choose from why would anyone go for these? For novelty? Or for the ultimate Yoakam fan? Either way it’s definitely one of the most bizarre pieces of music merch.

3. Rap Snacks

Apparently, the rap world didn’t want to be left behind on the food market. These chips have actually been around since the mid-90’s and feature notable along with new rappers on their bags. Yes, it looks , just as stupid as it sounds. Some of the rappers featured are Lil’ Romeo, who bought the company in 2007, Yung Joc, Master P, Warren G, and Old Dirty Bastard because he is obviously the face of sour cream and onion chips. Creator James “Fly” Lindsay said he felt a socially conscious message was missing from rap during a 2002 interview with the Philadelphia Inquirer. His solution was making these chips, which made a whole lot of fucking sense to Universal Music Group, who signed a deal with Lindsay. It’s unclear whether or not the company is still active, but you can find these glorious things for yourself online.

2. Smokey Robinson Microwavable Meals

For some reason soul crooner Smokey Robinson has a food line. Maybe it’s because his name makes him sound like a good BBQ chef. Either way it’s bizarre. What’s even weirder are the gumbo bowls his company makes. They’re microwavable meals that feature the creepiest looking picture of Robinson. I didn’t think he could look anymore plastic than he normally does, yet I’m proven wrong. The bowls advertise gumbo made with shrimp, chicken sausage, and crab. Sounds pretty normal until you learn Robinson has been a vegetarian since the ’70s. Even worse, the product was only launched to correlate with his gospel album Food for the Spirit. I know record labels are desperate to sell albums, but this isn’t the way to go.

1. KISS….Just KISS

Considering this is the band that has no shame when it comes to putting their mugs on anything and everything, it’s no surprise to find them here. KISS has dabbled in the food on several different occasions all with eye rolling results. The first was KISS Krunch, “the sweet, crunchy, rice cereal.” What’s shocking is enough people bought them for more to be released in different flavors. I’ll admit the free record that comes with it is a cool idea. Next is KISS Destroyer Beer. This drink is only available overseas and judging from consumer reviews it’s not very good. The band also has a brand of wine that’s just as ridiculous. Finally, there’s KISS Hotter than Hell ketchup and it comes in three flavors. It may be good, but you have question who would actually buy this stuff? On second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.

Happy Thanksgiving guys! Enjoy your food….as long as it’s not any of these products.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s