While some great music and videos were made in the 80’s, there’s also some horrid stuff that was made in that era. Since it was the prime time for the new medium of music videos, bands did their best to wow people with their fancy and expensive videos. Some of the most memorable videos have come out of this era. But you won’t find them here. Here you’ll only find videos that are so 80’s it’s pathetic.
- Out of Touch- Hall and Oates
Who doesn’t love the duo Hall and Oates? For this video they decided to depart from their usual black background and awkward dance moves scenario. This video shows that they’ve made the big time: drums fit for a giant, huge letters reminding you the name of the song, and a fancy leopard print blazer for Hall. This video may be cheesy, but you have to applaud them for at least being silly. The scene when they get flatten as if they were in a Looney Tune is sure to make you smile.
- The Look of Love- ABC
There’s so much going on in this video, I don’t even know where to begin. The band looks like some weird barbershop quartet while there are German people dancing in the background and other people floating away on balloons. At one point there’s this creepy guy with his equally creepy dummy mouthing the words to the song. While the song isn’t that bad this video is just weird. Grade A material from the 80’s indeed.
- Just Can’t Get Enough- Depeche Mode
Now I know this is their first video, but I’ve seen way better first videos from other bands. It’s not even a video. It’s more a like an awkward band rehearsal with weird, dancing girls trying to make the guys feel better. The horrendous dancing and the outfits stolen from the Mr. Leather festival doesn’t help this cheese fest. This is a far cry from the artsy videos Depeche Mode would provide later on in their career.
- I Got You-Split Enz
This video is nothing but the stumpy singer giving the camera bugged eyed freak out looks, along with “sexy” glances (I think he was trying to look frightened). Again, more terrible dancing, but this time it comes from the people inside the picture! Talk about those great special effects! Even though this video is pretty bad, I can’t help but to feel bad for the guy standing next to the drummer with nothing to do. They could have at least given him something to shake.
- Oh Shelia- Ready for the World
This video shows the Gerri Curl at its finest. What makes this such a cheesy video is how the group looks like a reject prom band with their matching pastel colored suits and lame choreography. It’s also pretty obvious that they usurped the split image technique from the “Billie Jean” video. Oh, and I’m sure any girl would fall for this guy thrusting after saying “Oh Shelia” five times.
- Everybody Have Fun Tonight-Wang Chung
Maybe this video wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t cause your entire body to violently convulse while watching it. It’s just the band and some shaky people all saying “Wang Chung.” What is Wang Chung? I hope it has nothing to do with getting drunk with the band and doing things you’ll regret the next day. But it’s also the name of an extremely forgettable band who left us with one of the reasons people make fun of the 80’s.
- Puttin’ on the Ritz- Taco
This guy looks like the runner up in the Dr. Franken Furter contest. He walks around alleys telling bums how to be glamorous. Then he bursts into a tap dance number, which is bad in itself, but it’s made even worse by the bbackupdancers in blackface. Look, I know you want to remind these bums about old glamorous Hollywood, but there are some parts of that time that everyone wants to forget.
- Hanging Tough- New Kids on the Block
One word comes to mind when I think of NKOTB: BADASS. Okay, maybe not, but I guess that’s what they were going for in this video. Everyone knows sweet dance moves and smiley faced shirts represents toughness. This video makes Micheal Jackson look bad ass in the “Bad” video! I would be more afraid of him than NKOTB any day. Hell, I would be more afraid of a butterfly than Donnie Walberg (Though his rat tail is pretty scary).
- Obsession- Animotion
Wanting to sleep with someone has something to do with what I could only guess to be dancing in historical costumes. At one point there’s a space man “floating” on top of a bed. Is that how they have sex in space or something? I guess Animotion figured they would never have another hit so they might as well go all out for the video, so they can be remembered. It’s remembered all right, but not in the way they planned.
- Hot Rockin’- Judas Priest
In this video Rob Halford lets his gayness shine. This looks like an ad for a new gym and sauna in Boystown, rather than a video for heavy metal band Judas Priest. Several shots of the band in the gym, shirtless and sweating. Then they are sweating again in the sauna. They play guitar for a bit (while sweating) and then get right back to working out (and the sweat). And people were shocked when he came out? I think this proves he was trying to tell us all along.
- I Ran- Flock of Seagulls
This video obviously had a very tight budget. The set is nothing but mirror walls and a tinfoil floor. And I’m pretty sure the crazy, alien chicks suits are made from garbage bags and tape. If anyone has to run from anything it should be this video and that haircut. Also, don’t forget to check out the intense faces the dude playing the one note on the keyboard makes. He’s obviously working too hard.
- Physical- Olivia Newton John
This video continues the trend of gyms and sweating. But rather than having Judas Priest sweat, we get a bunch of fat guys. This video was most likely a response to the work out fad in the 80s. It’s probably the reason it died too. Also, who allowed Olivia Newton John to have a singing career?
- Sunglasses at Night- Corey Hart
This video is really hard to take seriously. It’s not because of the contrived plot of Corey Hart being captured by the future police for wearing sunglasses at night and then escaping from them by running indefinitely until he winds up back in his apartment, sunglasses in tact. It’s hard to watch because of the constant pout that Corey has on his face while he’s singing. It looks like he’s been practicing in the mirror so much, his face got stuck that way. It may be far fetched but he was mostly likely the originator of the duck face.
- Dancing in the Street- David Bowie and Mick Jagger
Now David Bowie is pretty suave in this video (when isn’t he?) but Mick Jagger just bounces and shakes around in a very repulsive manner. It’s just him acting like a jumping bean, drinking pop, while David Bowie is being David Bowie. Then they come in so close that they probably kissed while mouthing the words. I always knew those two had something going on.
- Torture- The Jacksons
This video is filled with stupid and cheesy special effects to distract the audience from realizing Michael isn’t in the video even though he’s in the song. When it’s time for his part they show a Jackson in the distant with a girl in a circle in the corner. Also, they take to make the audience forget Michael’s absence by making every Jackson look and move like him. He probably didn’t do the video because he knew it was stupid.
- Wake me Up Before You Go Go- Wham!
Those shorts have enough cheesiness for the entire video. Short shorts, snapping fingers and George Michael. The song itself is a classic cheese fest. This is definitely not one of the finer moments of the 80s. And again, people were surprised when Geroge Michael came out? Those shorts are the biggest clue! Not to mention those flamboyant dance moves.
- Separate Ways- Journey
Various angles of Steve Parry. The band playing air instruments. Goofy poses. Ugly 80s girl. Now I know why she walked past the band. They were making asses of themselves. Journey is known for their epic songs that are overplayed everywhere, but I’m pretty sure everyone wants to forget this horrific video. This is most likely why the rest of their videos were shots of them in concert.
- Somebody’s Watching Me- Rockwell
The only thing I wonder while watching this video is why anybody would be watching Rockwell, especially in the shower. Frankly, he’s not that interesting. He’s obviously crazy if he’s seeing zombie mail men and other weird things. The only thing that redeems the video is we get to hear Michael Jackson singing the chorus. He has the power to make any song sound good. If he wasn’t related to Berry Gordy there’s a good chance we would never have this 80’s gem.
- Hang up the Phone- Annie Golden
This video sums up all the bad things about the 80s: neon colors, lame dancing, and terrible songs. This is just a bunch of typical 80’s chicks “dancing” and snapping their fingers while on the phone. Side pony tails and shrill vocals take over the entire video. I don’t know who this chick is and who allowed her to make video, but I wish this didn’t exist.
- Sex Over the Phone- Village People
If you wanted to see the Village People at their sexiest then this is the video for you! It’s hard to think that any member of the Village People would want to have phone sex with any the ladies in this video. This clip is filled with so many innuendos it might as well be soft core porn for gay men. Awkward sexual poses and a dance routine which includes constant thrusting with phones makes this the number one cheesiest video of the 80s.