Killing is My Business…and Business is Good! – Megadeth

Combat_KIMB

Release Year: 1985

Rating: 8/10

Over the years it’s been proven that Megadeth is an enduring band. They have since become one of the Big Four when it comes to metal. They have countless hits that new generations of metal fans are discovering for themselves. And to think it all began as a response to Dave Mustaine getting kicked out of Metallica. They have lots of notable albums, but their debut is still one of their strongest. Fueled by Dave’s fire and guitar skills, the record still sounds exciting and fresh today.

Things start out on the right foot with “Last Rites/Loved to Deth.” It opens with a striking, haunting classical piece that gives it a Gothic setting. The mood is very ominous until the shredding guitars take over. From there, the music grows frantic and chaotic as Mustaine shreds so hard you’d think his hands are on fire. What really stands out in this song were the lyrics. It seems to talk about the death of a loved one, which you don’t find much in metal. Of course the topic grows darker as Mustaine implies he was responsible for her death: “If I can’t have you/Than no one will/And since I won’t/I’ll have to kill.” He continues to sound vicious up until the subtle ending where we find out his lover didn’t make it to heaven after all. It’s a great track that has a cool dynamic between the music and the lyrics.

Another notable song from the album is “Killing is My Business…and Business is Good!” Like most of the music here, it begins with a heavy, chugging rhythm that suddenly gets frantic at a paranoid pace. Mustaine shows off his sinister, conniving side as he talks about being a hitman and loving what he does. The best part comes when he reveals his plans to take the money and kill the employer too. It’s another unique topic the band wasn’t afraid to tackle. “The Skull Beneath the Skin” has a darker tone to the music made downright unsettling thanks to Dave’s howl during the intro. He also shows off his shredding skills as the guitars sound vicious and full of venom. Again, the lyrics are worth looking at because they are so gruesome: “Help me/Prepare the patients scalp/To peel away/Metal caps his ears/He’ll hear not what we say/Solid steel visor/Riveted cross his eyes/Iron staples close his jaws.” Lines like these provide eerie vivid images of the bloody event.

Interestingly enough, the album includes a thrash cover of Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made for Walking.” Though the original songwriter didn’t care for it, the band actually does a pretty good job with the song, especially since they know how to make it their own. They give the song some new life and excitement making it more appealing for different generations. A decent song, but the least inspired one is “Rattle Head.” The music here is standard thrash all the way, unlike their later material. This one is about simply banging your head to some kick ass metal, specially to Megadeth. It’s not a bad song, but the least interesting one of the album. The same issue plagues “The Chosen Ones,” which has impressive guitar playing, but little else.

Things take a slightly different turn on “Looking Down the Cross.” A slow, menacing riff introduces the song. This riff gets stronger as it slowly builds up. The music isn’t as crazy here, rather it sounds like someone’s unfortunate damnation. This another track with brutal, violent images in the lyrics, but this time they seem to be describing the crucifixion of Christ: “Down the walkways/Through the blood stained town/Looking down the cross/Bleeding from the crown/Led to stay/To die besides the thieves.” Everything from the dark music to the vivid lyrics paints a bleak and hopeless mood for the listener. On this track, music and lyrics come together perfectly to create the dark, despairing setting to put the listener on edge.

Overall, the album gets 8/10. Almost 30 years later and this debut sounds as vicious as ever. Though not every song is notable, they’re still filled with Mustaine’s guitar skills and knack for songwriting. The gruesome visuals, blazing riffs, and anguished howls all come together to make one brutal album. Megadeth was willing to go where other metal bands didn’t dare to at the time, which made their songs unique. It’s a heavy metal classic that all fans should check out.

Riding in Vans with Boys (2003)

MV5BMjA2OTkxOTYxMV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNjIwNTQyMQ@@._V1_SY317_CR4,0,214,317_AL_

Release Year: 2003
Rating: 6/10

In 2002, Blink-182, Green Day, and Jimmy Eat World joined together for the Pop Disaster tour; one of the greatest line ups that will never happen again. But there was one more band on the line up that people never even heard of: Kut U Up. Their adventures on the tour are chronicled in this film. You would think with such a great line up, there would be some awesome tour stories and footage. While there is some great backstage footage, the film comes off as a mess mainly because it takes place from Kut U Up‘s perspective.

The story of how the band got on the tour is interesting: Blink-182 got them in pretty much. What made them different from other unknown groups they could’ve picked was these guys weren’t signed. They played the local scene when they weren’t working their day jobs. It makes you feel proud of the band, that is until you meet them. All of the members come off as drunk immature assholes. These are the guys that have a couple drinks and are ready to run around naked in the bar. Aside from performing, they do nothing but drink and be annoying in the film. If you thought Blink were bad with their dick and fart jokes, these guys are ten times worse. They give each other gross dares, are loud, destructive, and talk about touching each other’s dicks so much you’d think they were in middle school. Unfortunately, they are the main reason the film doesn’t work.

The film has a similar set up to Urethera Chronicles; it has interviews with the artists, performances, and a ton of footage. Of course the best stuff comes from Blink and Green Day. The interviews range from interesting to really silly. There weren’t too many interviews with the other bands, but there are some great moments from the backstage footage. Some that I really enjoyed were when Billie Joe Armstrong dumped an entire cake on Mark Hoppus, which prompted Mark to give Billie a big hug. Later on, Billie bites Mark’s nipple. Don’t ask me why. Another notable moment is when Billie convinces Chris (singer of Kut U Up) to let him brand his ass with the pool cue. The prank ends in second degree burns. But it’s not all goofing off. There’s plenty of soundcheck footage showing the band rehearsing and the stage getting set up which is great for any Blink or Green Day fan to take in.

Performances from each band are featured and they’re pretty good. Green Day provides an energetic version of “Hitchin’ a Ride,” while Blink runs through “Carousel,” one of their most popular songs. There’s a clip of Jimmy Eat World’s “Get it Faster,” but that’s the most screen time the band gets. Since they had a European tour, they couldn’t stay on for all the shows. There’s even a clip of the Kut U Up guys bombarding their last performance in garish costumes and lots of glitter. The movie would’ve been more interesting if Jimmy Eat World had a bigger part in it. There are a few interviews and some onstage footage, but that’s it. Most of the time you forget they’re even part of the tour until one of the other members mentions their name. This along with the unlikable Kut U Up make them film forgettable.

Overall, the film gets 6/10. While there is some interesting footage of all the bands interacting with each other, Kut U Up ruins the whole thing. You’re supposed to feel happy for them that they got a big break, but you end up being annoyed by their drunken foolishness, wondering how they aren’t dead yet. The movie is hardly worth your time and money. The Pop Disaster Tour was an interesting concept and it would be awesome to see a proper documentary about the makings of it or even just live footage from it. Instead, we get this sorry excuse of a film featuring a bunch of unlikable assholes.

14 Artists You Didn’t Know Had Christmas Albums

It’s officially the holiday season, which means it’s time to pull out the Christmas music. For some artists releasing a Christmas album is practically in their contract, but there are others you would never expect to follow suit. Something about the music they make or their personal beliefs make them seem like the last people to sing cheery tunes. Whether it’s all for money or because they genuinely love Christmas here are 14 unexpected artists who released Christmas albums.

14. The Green Days of Christmas: The Holiday Tribute to Green Day

There are tons of tribute albums by various orchestral groups for any band you can think of. They’ve become somewhat of the norm in the music world, but this release is just baffling. These musicians took some of Green Day’s hits like “Brain Stew,” “Holiday,” and “Jesus of Suburbia,” added some strings and sleigh bells, and attempted to make them appropriate for Christmas. Why would anyone think this is a good idea? If anything fans want to hear Green Day do their own holiday song instead of having their classics bastardized for the season. What’s even worse, there are similar albums dedicated to Metallica and AC/DC. Though it’s not actually by Green Day, it was still too bizarre to leave off.

13. Heart Presents a Lovemonger’s Christmas

In 1998, sisters Ann and Nancy Wilson released a Christmas LP called Here is Christmas under the name Lovemongers, one of their side projects. They then re-released the album in 2004 with the only change being the band name. You would think this album would be full of wicked renditions of your holiday favorites. Instead, it’s quite boring. Don’t get me wrong, they sound beautiful while singing “Ava Maria” and “Here is Christmas,” but it gets dull really fast. Maybe they’ll do another holiday record where they make things a little more interesting.

12. Bob Dylan – Christmas in the Heart

Bob Dylan is a legend in his own right who keeps inspiring artists young and old to this day. He’s definitely left his mark on music history, so you don’t expect him to have a Christmas album, especially since he’s Jewish. But Dylan himself said he loves Christmas and never felt left out of the festivities. I thought the release was surprising considering how political Dylan can be. It’s not that people who dabble in politics can’t enjoy the season, but you don’t expect them to sing jingles like “Here Comes Santa Clause” and “Little Drummer Boy.” In true Dylan fashion, proceeds from the album went to the charity Feeding America. So not only do you get to enjoy Christmas with Dylan, you support a good cause at the same time.

11. Bootsy Collins – Christmas is 4 Ever

This holiday LP is full of original tunes and well known jingles interpreted by the eclectic Bootsy Collins. Since he’s more known for his bass playing skills, he lets other singers, including Snoop Dogg, take center stage. But don’t worry, each track is filled with his standard “Yeah baby” message somewhere in the background. It’s a funk driven collection that’s good for anyone who wants to jam this season. It may not be for everyone, but it’s at least a different take on the holiday songs.

10. Bad Religion – Christmas Song

You’re one of the seminal punk bands since the ’80s with a well known political stance. You stand against consumerism and conformist thinking, so what’s you’re next step? Put out a Christmas album. At least that’s what Bad Religion did to the surprise of their fans. The band has performed Christmas songs in the past at live gigs, but have repeatedly turned down offers for a full length album. They had a change a heart and released their first holiday collection in 2013. Since a lot of their songs are cynical, smart, and witty, you would expect them to bring that same attitude to this release. Instead, they cover the songs in a straight forward fashion with lots of guitars and standard punk rock sound. With the name Bad Religion and singer Greg Graffin’s strong stance on atheism, this release is downright bizarre.

9. Weezer – Christmas with Weezer

Even though Weezer does have a track called “The Christmas Song” on The Green Album, did you know they have a Christmas EP? The story of how it came about is an interesting one. The six traditional holiday tunes were originally recorded for the iOS game Christmas with Weezer, a special version of Tap Tap. The guys then released the tracks digitally for all their fans to enjoy. They actually don’t do a bad job on tracks like “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Their simple delivery is amplified by their punchy music. While they spice up the tunes a bit, they never overdo it as some tend to do.

8. Barenaked Ladies – Barenaked for the Holidays

This album is a surprise because who thought the Barenaked Ladies were still making music? This record follows the same standard fair as other holiday albums, but it’s interesting to note they include songs about Hanukkah, like “Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah,” as well as seven original songs. Apparently, the LP was received pretty well since it reached #64 on the 2004 Billboard Charts. To be fair, a lot of their renditions are often funny, like “Jingle Bells” where they throw in the favorite juvenile line “Batman smells” or “Happy Birthday Jesus,” which is a humorous take on “Happy Birthday to You.” In other news, did you know the band released their last album in 2013? Guess people still like them.

7. August Burns Red – August Burns Red Presents: Sleddin’ Hill, A Holiday Album

Rock bands covering Christmas songs is becoming more of a standard, but not many of them do it well. August Burns Red is an exception. When you think about it, it sort of makes sense for a Christian metalcore band to have a holiday EP. Still, it’s not really something you expect regarding the music they play. What’s even more shocking is it’s really good for an instrumental album. They add some flair and edge to songs like “Sleigh Ride,” “Frosty the Snowman,” and “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” What is a little weird is how they’ve re-released the album twice, once in 2013 and once again this year, to add more of their Christmas renditions. Wouldn’t it just be easier to record a whole new seasonal album?

6. Snopp Dogg Presents Christmas in tha Dogg House

I previously mentioned this album on my list on worst Christmas albums, but the idea of Snoop Dogg singing holiday jingles is absurd. The LP actually features several different artists singing holiday tracks like “Landy in my Egg Nogg,” “A Pimp’s Christmas,” and “My Little Mama Trippin on Xmas.” Yes, the songs are just as ridiculous as they sound. Each one is laced with references to drugs, sex, drinking, and more drugs. If you absolutely need a taste of this LP, just listen to Snopp Dogg and Nate Dogg’s version of “Twas the Night Before Christmas,” which takes the rhyme and replaces them with explicit lines like “The stocking was hung on my big hard dick.” Yeah, definitely not for the family.

5. The Reverend Horton Heat – We Three Kings

You wouldn’t expect a self proclaimed “psychobilly” band, who specializes in rockabilly and country to have a traditional Christmas album. Yet, they released one in 2005 and it’s pretty fucking good. They bring their upbeat nature, surf rock inspired guitars, and quirky nature to songs like “Frosty the Snowman” and “Santa Clause is Coming to Town.” It actually makes for a really fun, energetic, and exciting holiday album. It can be hard for some bands to keep their sound while breathing new life into these overplayed jingles, but TRHH did just that. Check it out if you’ve had enough of Mariah Carey this season.

4. MXPX – Punk Rawk Christmas

This LP is filled with original Christmas songs from this punk rock group that range from catchy to funny. They stick with what they know and toss in a little Christmas cheer. The album isn’t that bad with some stand out tracks being the humorous “It’s Christmas and I’m Sick,” the title track, and the energetic “Another Song About Christmas.” The entire thing is upbeat and lots of fun. Amazingly, they don’t sound cheesy when singing about the holidays unlike other artists. So if anyone is looking to shake up their Christmas party, then check out this album.

3. Black Label Society – Glorious Christmas Songs that Will Make Your Black Label Heart Feel Good

Not only is it surprising to learn that heavy metal band Black Label Society has a Christmas album, but that’s it’s really good. This isn’t one of those cheesy “metal Christmas” albums that has holiday classics sung poorly from “metal stars” and lots of guitars tossed in. This one features the Black Label guys interpreting tracks like “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “The First Noel” instrumentally and it sounds beautiful. While they’re still using guitars, they’re not trying to pull off crazy solos or give the song more attitude. Rather, this is a surprisingly mellow entry that any metal fan can appreciate.

2. Scott Weiland – The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

When you learn that Scott Weiland has a Christmas album, you expect him to cover Christmas classics in a hard rock manner. Somehow Weiland convinced himself he was a ’50s crooner instead. The former singer of the Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver tries to channel Bing Crosby and Elvis Presely and instead sounds like a wavering drunk. It’s so unbelievably bad. When I fired up “Winter Wonderland” and he started cooing, I thought it was a corny joke that would lead to blazing guitars and hard rock howls. I was so wrong. Who convinced him this was a good idea? It’s fine if he wants to explore his range, but when he’s bad it’s a different story.

1. Afroman – A Colt 45 Christmas

In the early 2000’s Afroman gained popularity for his hit “Because I Got High,” where he lists a number of things he didn’t get to do because he toked up. After that, we didn’t hear much from him even though he continued making independent albums, including this 2006 release. Here, Afroman parodies all the Christmas classics by sprinkling in references to sex, drugs, drinking, and committing crimes. Some of the questionable tracks include “Deck my Balls,” “O Chronic Tree,” “I Wish You Would Roll a New Blunt,” and “Violent Night.” If you really want to take the piss out of Christmas then you should check out this album, though you may not want to play it around the family.

Are there anymore unexpected Christmas albums I should know about? Let me know in the comments!

Big Bam Boom – Hall & Oates

Hall_Oates_BigBamBoomRelease Year: 1984

Rating: 8.5/10

Though this duo has been making music since the mid-70’s they found their greatest success during the 1980’s. They have some of the biggest hits of the decade, which got them in the 2014 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Hall & Oates is one of those bands that can be really really good or really really cheesy. The thing is no matter which version you get, they’re both awesome. This album combines both sides of the band to make for their most fun and upbeat record. It’s also their most ambitious, since it found the duo stepping out of their comfort zone.

Things kick off with the wonderfully weird instrumental “Dance On Your Knees.” It’s actually an homage to Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five’s song “White Lines.” It slowly builds up with each instrument coming in one at a time. When it all comes together it has this big, booming sound (hence the album title) and slowly evolves into the music for the next track “Out of Touch.” This remains one of their catchiest and most playful songs. It has a funky groove and an extensive use of synth, more-so than past efforts. It’s a fun song that makes you want to dance and sing.

Method of Modern Love” is another super fun track with an infectious chorus of “M-E-T-H-O-D-O-F-L-O-V-E.” The blaring horns and light tapping drums gives it this tropical/pseudo Latin vibe, something unexpected from these guys. It also has a slinky funk driven bass during the bridge that brings everything together. Though the lyrics are pretty standard for the duo, there’s one line that stands out: “Style is timeless and fashion’s only now.” It’s such a clever line that still resonates today and it’s so true. Think of the trends that have come and gone only to come back again (looking at you tattoo chokers). Anyway, it’s a great song that doesn’t get as much recognition as their other hit singles.

“Bank on Your Love” shakes things up a bit with its rock vibe thanks to the prominent guitars. Synth also makes a return making it sound like Bruce Springsteen song, at least in terms of music. Though it’s not as catchy or fun as the previous tracks, it’s still pretty solid. Things pick up again on “Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid.” Out of all the tracks here, this one fits in the most with their earlier material. But what stands out the most are Hall’s vocals. He’s always been a decent singer, but here he sounds so soulful. It’s like he’s giving it his all and he sounds great. I’m not sure why he sounds better on this track than the others, but at least to me, he does.

One of the most exciting songs on the LP is “Going Through the Motions.” The way the track opens with a stuttering effect catches you off guard. It’s not something you expect from Hall & Oates. It manages to wake up the listener and keep them on their toes. From there the music tuns into a blend of synth electronica, R&B, and funk. There’s a lot going on musically, but it never sounds disjointed. It gets you moving and is really catchy like the previous songs found here. Though the song is a bit lengthy, especially when the stuttering effect makes a return, it’s still a stand out track. “All American Girl” is a weird, yet lovable song. It begins with light, bubbly synth that sounds like phone buttons being dialed. The music then returns to a blend of hip hop, synth, funk, and R&B. Again, it’s really exciting and has an irresistible beat, but things go a little sour when the two start rapping. That’s right, this track has a little rap from the duo and it is bad. They gave it their best, but it’s something you don’t want them to do again. Otherwise, it’s an upbeat track that’ll put you in a good mood.

The album has two songs sung by John Oates (the one with the mustache) and they’re not the best. “Cold, Dark and Yesterday” has good funk inspired music, but he doesn’t have the best vocals. For some reason this track reminds me of a sub-par Prince song. Hall’s backing vocals definitely saves this from being terrible. The closing song “Possession Obsession” is better than the previous one, but still one of the weakest tracks. It just doesn’t grab your attention like the other tracks and isn’t very memorable, which kind of describes Oates. Though there are two less than stellar songs, this still remains one of their better records.

Overall, the album gets 8.5/10. What makes this album so exciting and interesting is how the band strays away from their established sound and instead play with different elements of funk, R&B, and even hip hop to liven up their sound. As you would expect from one of their albums, there are some hook filled tracks on here along with some that border on cheesy, but are still really fun. This album shows why the duo was and still is one of the most beloved bands of the ’80s.

Top 12 Musician Food Products You Didn’t Know Existed

It’s Thanksgiving, a time for good food and frivolous arguments with your family. It’s the time for people to come together and chow down on good grub. Some musicians go the extra mile and provide some of the food on the table. There are stories of weird band merch, like coffins and dildos, but these food products might be the weirdest yet. Here are 12 artists with their own food lines that run from strange to downright bizzare.

12. Cheese by Alex James

What’s the first thing you do when your band is selling millions of albums? Make cheese. At least that’s what Blur’s Alex James did. Even though the idea sounds strange, he’s actually really good at it. He produces several award winning artisan cheeses along with everyday cheeses stocked in British grocery stores. Unlike many of the products on this list, this one is pretty well respected. At least it doesn’t sound like a bad marketing ploy. Rather, it seems like James likes making cheese. Guess he’s gotta do something when he’s not making music.

11. New Kids on the Block Cereal

This is one of those things that could only exist in the ’90s. NKOTB were so popular the Ralston company thought it was a good idea to make a cereal based on them. If fans were willing to buy sheets, board games, and t-shirts with their faces plastered all over them why should this be any different? Well, it seems the fans were smarter than they thought. Even though some sample boxes were produced, it was never released to the public. Yet their cartoon series somehow was greenlit.

10. GWAR-B-Q sauce

Everything about this band is a little ridiculous from their goblin identities to their albums with such titles as This Toilet Earth. Every summer they hold a barbecue event with food and a show, so it was only a matter time before they released their own BBQ sauce. Who wouldn’t want to slather their sandwiches in a sauce that’s self described as being made from “the blood of really hot chicks.” It actually sounds like it might be good, all except for the blood part.

9. So Much Hot Sauce

While doing research for this list I learned one thing: there’s a lot of celebrity hot sauce out there. There are hundreds of hot sauces with musician’s name on it. Why? You could say because hot sauce is good, but I think it’s because it’s easy to make and easy to market, which means more money for said musician. As I said, there are lots out there, but the most bizarre brands come from the Misfits, Gringo Bandito by Dexter Holland (The Offspring), Aerosmith’s Joe Perry, Patti LaBelle, and revered guitarist Zakk Wylde, which features images of Satan and the Grim Reaper, so you know it’s bad ass. While most of them have pretty decent reviews, the idea of musicians having their own hot sauce is ridiculous. What’s next their own ice cream? Oh.

8. Too Many Liquors to List

Just like with hot sauce, it seems to be fairly easy for an artist to slap their name on a bottle of liquor. A quick Google search will return more results than you can count. Some of the weirdest come from the likes of Justin Timberlake (901 Tequila), Marilyn Manson (Mansinthe), Ludacris (Conjure Cognac), Pharrell (Qream Liqueur), and Sammy Hagar (Beach Bar Rum). ’80s metal band Whitesnake even have their own wine, Zinfadel. There are plenty more out there and the thought is almost as ridiculous as celebrity perfumes. What does this tell us? Creating music is hard and requires you to get blitzed.

7. Hanson Beer

In case you haven’t heard the news, Hanson is still making music. But when they aren’t touring or taking care of their enormous amount of kids they’re making beer. What’s even better? It’s called MmmHops. I’m pretty sure they only made the beer as an excuse to use that pun (it is pretty great). It’s clear the guys aren’t taking themselves too seriously with this product. The bottle even says “From the guys who made Mmmbop.” Taylor Hanson admits the whole concept started as a joke. Since the band are aware of how ridiculous the whole thing is you can’t hate them for it. Plus, they have a whole line of outrageous merch from clothespins and aprons to cookie cutters and even a Monopoly Board game, just in time for the holidays.

6. Nelly’s Pimpjuice

Nelly was one of the most popular rappers in the mid-2000’s. In 2003, he released the single “Pimp Juice.” The song saw it’s share of success and controversy for glorifying prostitution. How do you celebrate a song that caused so many debates? Make a fucking beverage named after it. The Filmore Brewery Street company thought this was a wise idea and did just that the same year. To no one’s surprise, people raised a fuss again saying it glorified prostitution. Nelly responded to the backlash by saying “Pimp Juice is anything that attracts the opposite sex; it could be money, fame, or straight intellect; it don’t matter! Pimp Juice is color blind; you find it works on all colors, creeds and kinds; from ages 50 right down to nine.” People weren’t keen on selling anything with the word “pimp” on it to their kids and now the drink is only available overseas.

5. Marky Ramone’s Pasta Sauce

He was once a part of an iconic punk rock group that’s still an inspiration to millions of musicians. When he departed the band in 1996 he decided the best way to ensure his legacy was creating pasta sauce. How do you go from legendary punk band to pasta sauce? You can tell this sauce is punk rock because the black and white label shows Marky playing the drums. That means it’s edgy. According to the low budget commercial, this is something he threw together, but never bothers to let us know what’s in the sauce. But if you’re dying to know what rock n roll sauce tastes likes you can get a case now for only $88. You can also get some Marky Ramone cookies for desert. Dinner is served.

4. Frozen Meals by Dwight Yoakam

Dwight Yoakam is an established singer-songwriter mostly known for his country music. He’s a respected artist with over 30 singles on the Billboard Hot 100. So it’s baffling to learn he has his own line of frozen appetizers. You can choose from Chicken Lickin’ chicken fries, Chicken Lickin’s pizza fries, and even Take Em’s poppers. With so many frozen food choices to choose from why would anyone go for these? For novelty? Or for the ultimate Yoakam fan? Either way it’s definitely one of the most bizarre pieces of music merch.

3. Rap Snacks

Apparently, the rap world didn’t want to be left behind on the food market. These chips have actually been around since the mid-90’s and feature notable along with new rappers on their bags. Yes, it looks , just as stupid as it sounds. Some of the rappers featured are Lil’ Romeo, who bought the company in 2007, Yung Joc, Master P, Warren G, and Old Dirty Bastard because he is obviously the face of sour cream and onion chips. Creator James “Fly” Lindsay said he felt a socially conscious message was missing from rap during a 2002 interview with the Philadelphia Inquirer. His solution was making these chips, which made a whole lot of fucking sense to Universal Music Group, who signed a deal with Lindsay. It’s unclear whether or not the company is still active, but you can find these glorious things for yourself online.

2. Smokey Robinson Microwavable Meals

For some reason soul crooner Smokey Robinson has a food line. Maybe it’s because his name makes him sound like a good BBQ chef. Either way it’s bizarre. What’s even weirder are the gumbo bowls his company makes. They’re microwavable meals that feature the creepiest looking picture of Robinson. I didn’t think he could look anymore plastic than he normally does, yet I’m proven wrong. The bowls advertise gumbo made with shrimp, chicken sausage, and crab. Sounds pretty normal until you learn Robinson has been a vegetarian since the ’70s. Even worse, the product was only launched to correlate with his gospel album Food for the Spirit. I know record labels are desperate to sell albums, but this isn’t the way to go.

1. KISS….Just KISS

Considering this is the band that has no shame when it comes to putting their mugs on anything and everything, it’s no surprise to find them here. KISS has dabbled in the food on several different occasions all with eye rolling results. The first was KISS Krunch, “the sweet, crunchy, rice cereal.” What’s shocking is enough people bought them for more to be released in different flavors. I’ll admit the free record that comes with it is a cool idea. Next is KISS Destroyer Beer. This drink is only available overseas and judging from consumer reviews it’s not very good. The band also has a brand of wine that’s just as ridiculous. Finally, there’s KISS Hotter than Hell ketchup and it comes in three flavors. It may be good, but you have question who would actually buy this stuff? On second thought, maybe I don’t want to know.

Happy Thanksgiving guys! Enjoy your food….as long as it’s not any of these products.